


Facing Your Fears

by HanksLady



Category: Divergent (Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:47:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 42,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24318316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HanksLady/pseuds/HanksLady
Summary: Eric has kept 2 secrets for six years since he transferred from Erudite to Dauntless. When Max orders three of the leaders and trainers to go through their Sims again, one of his secrets is about to be revealed to the person he hates the most. Why would Max make him do this, knowing what that secret is? Can Eric trust Four, or will the revelation be something for Four to hold over him and torment him with?Eric's POV, M/M, Eric/Four
Comments: 24
Kudos: 19





	1. Chapter 1

I hauled myself out of bed and walked into my tiny bathroom, eyes half closed and grinding my teeth. Within seconds, I was under the freezing spray of water from my shower, shivering, as my erection shrank and softened. It was like this most mornings. Sometimes even the cold water didn't help, and I'd smash my head into the tiled wall until I saw stars. I couldn't let myself give in to the urge to touch myself. If I did that, those unwelcome thoughts would creep into my head. The thoughts that could end me. I finally opened my eyes and reached for the soap. It was over—for now.

Today a new group of initiates was to arrive, and I had to be on my game. I wasn't looking forward to meeting the bunch of weak, whining defects from Abnegation, Candor, and Erudite. It was unlikely we'd get any from Amity, but it wasn't unheard of.

I dried myself, shaved, and dressed. Then I went to join the other leaders and trainers in the dining area. A place was vacant opposite Four, and I took it.

"Morning, Eric," a couple of others greeted me. I nodded but didn't speak. Four stayed silent, but his brows drew together in a look of disapproval. I smirked. He hated me, and I'd made it my mission in life to wind him up. He was cool, unflappable, and fucking brilliant at everything. Getting under his skin and making him lose his temper amused me. But today, I didn't say anything. I helped myself to coffee, and some bacon and pancakes.

Later that morning, our oldest leader, Max, gave instructions in welcoming the new initiates. As usual, I was the first one they would meet. When it was time, I made my way up to the roof to wait for the train. I stood on the low wall surrounding the flat surface, observing the train rumbling closer. As it drew level with the building, a crowd of newcomers began to jump out onto the roof and slowly approach me. The last two were girls: a Stiff—what we called the transfers from Abnegation—and a small girl in a white jacket, who was obviously from Candor. They rolled onto the rough surface of the roof, laughing, and scrambled up.

I went through the usual routine, introducing myself and telling them they must jump. Surprisingly, the Stiff volunteered to go first and after a brief hesitation, dropped out of sight without a sound. Most of the remainder screamed and yelled on the way down. The last one was an unfit, heavy girl with dark hair. I'd heard one of the others call her Molly. She stood trembling on the roof edge, but then threw herself off and fell silently. I waited a minute for Four to get her off the net, then stepped off the edge. Usually, I went down the way I came up, but today I fancied the small rush of the fall.

"What are you doing?" Four scowled at me when I finished bouncing, and pulled the edge of the net down so I could scramble off it easier.

"What's it look like? Don't you ever jump for the hell of it?" I dropped to the ground and straightened up. We were the same height. "No, of course you don't. Still a Stiff at heart."

"You're an arsehole," he muttered. His brown eyes narrowed. "Doesn't it get boring after six years?"

I shrugged. "Got to find something to do for amusement in this place."

"If you hate it that much, you can leave. Go back to Erudite." His lip curled. "Oh, I forgot. You can't, can you? You'd be Factionless."

"Who says I hate it? I just find it entertaining to make you lose your cool."

"You're wasting your time." He pushed past me and followed the initiates into the training area.

Four and I had transferred in at the same time. I'd always resented him for finishing top of his class, while I was second. When we came up against each other in the fighting ring, I'd been sure I had him. I was stronger, had more muscle, but he was faster and somehow, he knocked me down. As I started to get up, he hit me again with a fist like a sledgehammer, and I didn't get up again. I'd always resented him for it, and that wasn't all. Twice, he'd been offered a leadership position and declined. I got it by default, and it infuriated me.

I turned away and punched the wall. My intention to amuse myself by pissing him off, finished with me being the one angered, which it often did. I pressed my forehead against the cold stone and huffed out a breath. My hand throbbed and rage filled me. I wanted to punch something other than the wall, but that wouldn't go down well. I couldn't start beating up the initiates, or challenge Four to a fight. He'd probably win anyway—again.

I wasn't needed for the rest of the day. Four would show the new people their accommodation and the training room and explain what would happen during the first few weeks. I went back to my room and paced, trying not to think. Four was right. I did hate this place. I fought my way through every day and wished it were different. It could never be different, but that was something I would have to live with. Happiness was for the weak anyway.

In the distance, I heard the cheering as the initiates were welcomed by the existing Dauntless. The rest of the afternoon had slipped away without me noticing. Reluctantly, I made my way back down to the dining room where a feast would be laid on for everyone. I wasn't in the mood, but people would ask questions if I didn't show. Max would probably be banging on my door within minutes.

The celebration meal ran its usual course. I ate and drank and didn't speak. The initiates sitting near me glanced at me nervously a few times and didn't bother me. The first jumper sat farther down the long table, next to Four. Unbelievably, she was teasing him. Maybe she wouldn't turn out to be so bad after all.

I was glad to escape at the end of the evening and shut myself away in my room and spend some time thinking about the first day's training—teaching them to fight.

The first week went the same way they always did. Most of them were weak, although some stood out. Molly, the last jumper, had some power in her punches, and easily slammed the Stiff—Tris—to the ground. Peter was smart, fast, and strong, and already top of the class. Al was terrified of failure from the first day. Christina was a mouthy little bitch who dared to ask for leniency when Molly hit and kicked her until blood fell. I taught her a lesson, dangling her from the balcony above the training area until she proved she had a little bit of determination.

Each day, they all checked the leader board for their positions, some with smug looks, and others in fear when their names appeared in red below the line. Tris was one of these, and when at first I'd thought maybe she would amuse me, now I'd developed a keen dislike for her. Four seemed smitten with her for some reason I couldn't fathom. Then again, he was an Abnegation transfer—perhaps they sought out their own.

"You two." Max stood up at the end of that day's dinner, pointing at Four and me, and giving a slight jerk of his head to indicate we should follow him. "And you." He beckoned our one female trainer, Ricki. 

We all rose and walked with him. The Stiff's gaze followed Four, I noticed, until we left the room.

"What's up, Max?" Four asked.

"Stage Two starts in a few days."

We all nodded.

"It's a long time since any of you went through a Sim. I want each of you to do at least one before the initiates start."

My stomach turned over and my breath caught in my throat. "What for?" I grunted.

"Practise." Max turned his gaze on me and raised an eyebrow.

"We don't need practise. We—"

"Enough, Eric. You'll all do it in the next two days. That will be all."

"Great," Ricki muttered, as she and Four walked away. "I'm sure he's just doing this to torture us."

"Of course." Four laughed.

"Max, can I have a word?" I caught up to him and he stopped.

"What, Eric?"

"Who's monitoring the Sims?"

"Four, obviously."

"So, he's going to monitor himself, is he?"

"Four can be trusted. I will see it later."

"But—" I ground my teeth. "He's never seen mine."

"Look, Eric. It's about time you got over this problem you have with Four. You'd do well to have him as an ally, rather than look for opportunities to fight him."

"I can't just—" I tried to stop scowling and look pleasant in an effort to change his mind. "You've always done mine."

"I have better things to do, Eric. That's my final word on this." He turned and walked away.

"Fuck," I muttered. I hurried to my room and slammed the door behind me. "Fuck!" The thought of Four seeing my fears horrified me. I had to think of a way to get out of it, and fast. If he had that to hold over me, I'd never hear the end of it, and I may as well pack up and go to join the Factionless. It wasn't an option for him to find out my secret.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eric's Sim is worse than he expects, and he's mortified and furious.

"I'm not doing it." I leaned against the door of the Sim room with my arms folded, glowering at Four.

"You want to tell Max that?" He raised an eyebrow as he prepared the serum.

"You tell him. Tell him the fucking serum failed. Make something up."

"Why would I do that?" Four pointed at the chair, indicating I should sit on it.

"We shouldn't have to do this. I've been a fucking leader for five years."

"You heard what he said. It's a long time since we did it. Ricki's been through and so have I. What's your problem? Too scared to face your fears?" He smirked and gestured at the chair again. "Get on with it. You're wasting time."

I took a couple of steps across the room. "Who are you to fucking tell me what to do? I'm the leader here. So was Ricki. You're only a trainer, so why are you even involved?"

"Maybe because I would have been leader if I hadn't turned it down. Sit the fuck down, Eric. I have other things to do today."

Reluctantly, I sat in the chair. "Don't fucking watch it," I grunted.

"Of course I'm gonna watch it. Don't be such a dick." He pressed the serum gun up against my neck.

I started to sweat. I grabbed his wrist and pushed it away. "Don't, Four. For fuck's sake." To my ears, I sounded like I was begging, and it made me cringe.

He didn't speak again. Instead, he gripped my arm with his free hand, and pinned it down. I opened my mouth to protest, but before I could utter one more word, the click and the sharp spike of pain in my neck told me it was too late.

"Four—" I protested helplessly, as my vision began to blur.

Within seconds I was somewhere else, in a different time. I was eighteen, just transferred into Dauntless, training with the new crowd.

"Eric! Four! In the ring," Max ordered.

We approached each other, glowering, fists clenched and arms raised. The fight was quick—it always was in the Sim. In seconds I was on the ground, bleeding, my head spinning as unconsciousness beckoned. Four stood over me, grinning, fists still clenched in case I managed to get up.

The scene changed to the group standing in front of the leader board, searching for our names. Four was in the top position. I scanned frantically for my name. It had to be there somewhere. There—right at the bottom, in red.

"Eric." Max growled at me. We were alone, away from the others. "You're failing. You're a failure. This is the final straw. You're out."

"No." I hung my head in shame. "I can do better."

"It's too late. You're out," he repeated.

Fear of failure. I hadn't been bottom of the leader board. I'd always been in the top three, but I'd dreaded not being good enough.

I only had two fears. My Sim was short, but it was years since I'd been through it and I hoped somehow it would be different. It was different all right, but in the worst possible way.

I was still eighteen, two days away from the day of choosing. Another Erudite boy—Steven—met me in the trees behind my house.

"Hey. Two days to go." He smiled at me. "Have you decided?"

"Yeah. I'm staying."

"Me too." He stepped closer and slid his arms around my neck. "You know I'd leave, though, if you chose differently."

"Fuck off." I snorted and laughed, self-conscious.

"I would." He pressed his lips to mine. "I want you, Eric."

I held him tight and thrust my tongue into his mouth. He pressed harder against me. The body I held changed. Steven was skinny and weak, with small hands like a girl. Suddenly he was muscular and taller. The hands gripping my waist were larger, thick fingers digging into my flesh. His lips were firmer as he pushed back, dominating the kiss and driving his tongue into my mouth. I opened my eyes, surprised. It wasn't Steven. It was Four.

"Eric!" My father's voice.

I pushed Four away and looked at my father. He stood there beside my mother, who held my little sister's hand.

"You've never been good enough, Eric. Now, you disgust me. You're an unnatural freak. Your mother and I are ashamed of you. You're no longer part of this family. When you choose, be sure you don't choose Erudite. You're done here. We don't want to see you again."

They turned and walked away. My sister, Emily, looked back over her shoulder, her eyes big and welling with tears. My mother tugged at her hand. I pulled my gun and fired it into my father's back. He fell, and my mother and sister turned around, horrified, my mother's gaze accusing, and my sister's, terrified.

I woke, gasping, my fists clenched, to find Four staring at me in shock. I blinked, thanking God I hadn't come out of it with tears in my eyes, which happened once before. I pushed myself to my feet, fury quickly overtaking my distress.

"Eric—"

I silenced Four by slamming my fist into his mouth. My knuckles split his lip against his teeth, and my hand came away bloody. He turned into a defensive fighting stance, but not fast enough. I followed up the punch with a second, my other fist colliding with his ribs. His breath left him in a "whoosh" and blood sprayed from his mouth. He clutched his ribs and raised one hand to ward me off, not attempting to fight back.

"All right," he gasped. "Back off."

I hesitated, then wrenched the door open and hurled myself through it. Within minutes, I was back in my room, pacing and cursing. How the hell did that Sim turn Steven into Four? Just because of my thoughts?

"No!" I roared, and punched the wall. I did that a lot. "Fuck!" I snarled, shaking out my throbbing hand. I wouldn't think about it. I refused. Not that I could probably avoid it for much longer. Four had seen that fucking Sim, and Max would too. Max knew, of course. He'd known my secret since the first time I went into a Sim as a new initiate and so far as I knew, he'd never told anyone. So why now? Why would he make me do that with Four monitoring?

I slumped onto the edge of my bed and rested my elbows on my knees, staring at the floor. I wasn't a fool and the part of my mind that was still Erudite tried to tell me there was a solution to this; that it wasn't the end of the world, but I shut it down. I wouldn't spend every day having to face Four with his sneering sarcasm, just waiting for me to say or do one thing he didn't like so he could use this against me. Not to mention the fact that he'd probably shout his fat mouth off to anyone who would listen.

I got up and went to my door to check I locked it. Finding it secured, I shoved a cupboard in front of it for extra security. Then I pulled out the bottle of whiskey I had hidden under my bed, and began pouring it down my throat. When I eventually lost consciousness, at least I didn't think or dream. But when I woke, it was all still there along with the hangover from hell.

No one bothered me. The day crawled by and I stayed in my room, listening to the distant sounds of Dauntless going about their business. Eventually, night fell again. Ricki knocked on my door and called out, asking if I was sick, but I ignored her. I was aware I was drawing a lot of attention to myself with my absence, but I couldn't bring myself to face any of them.

A couple more hours passed before there was another knock. I stayed silent, waiting for Ricki to shout to me again.

"It's Four." He didn't shout; spoke only loud enough for me to just make out the words through the closed door. I scowled and ground my teeth until my jaw ached. My knuckles cracked as I curled my hands into fists, and imagined them connecting with his smug face.

"Eric, open the door."

Another minute passed.

"You want me to break it down? I will."

"Good luck with that," I grumbled before I could stop myself.

"You're alive, then."

"Apparently." I scrunched my face up and cursed myself for answering him.

"You can't stay in here forever." He cleared his throat. "There's something you need to see."

"What?"

"Open the door."

He didn't speak again. Minutes ticked by and I stayed where I was, glowering at the cupboard in front of the door and wondering what in the hell he wanted me to see. Eventually, I had to accept that he was right. I couldn't stay here forever. I'd starve, for one thing. My stomach rumbled to remind me I hadn't eaten for about a day and a half.

By the time I moved the cupboard and unlocked the door, I expected Four to have gone. He hadn't made a sound, and at least ten minutes had to have gone by. But he waited, casually leaning against the wall with his arms folded. I avoided his gaze as heat crept into my face. Why the hell had that Sim done that to me? What was he thinking? Fucking faggot, most likely.

"What's so important?" I grumbled.

"Trust me, you will feel better if you see this."

"Trust you?" I sneered. "Right."

"I haven't said anything, have I?" He gestured down the corridor and began to walk.

I followed reluctantly. "Where we going?"

"The Sim room."

"You have to be fucking kidding me." I halted.

Four stopped, too. "I want you to go through my Sim."

"What? Why? Is that even possible?"

"Yeah, it's possible. I told you, there's something you need to see. I'll be there, too."

"You mean we're both going in the same Sim?" Curiosity got the better of me and I began walking with him again. "Have you done that before?"

"No, but in this case I think it's necessary."

We reached the Sim room before I realised it. Four locked the door behind us and opened a cabinet to take out two ampules of serum.

"How do I know that's not mine, and you're not going to make me look like a fucking fool again?" I spat, and backed up against the door.

"Eric, calm down. I wouldn't do that. This was Max's idea. It was all we could think of. Sit down." Four prepared the gun, and opened out a second chair.

"You've been fucking talking about me?"

"Of course we have. He watched your Sim and he's concerned about you." He manhandled me into the seat before I could protest, and pressed the gun to my neck. Just before I slipped into another reality, I heard a second click as he shot the serum into himself.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eric learns something surprising about Four, and also realises Max is less than impressed by his recent behaviour.

I opened my eyes to find myself sitting on a narrow, shaky bridge, hundreds of feet above the city. Four sat in front of me, breathing hard and clutching the edges of the precarious perch.

"Fear of heights," he said.

"We can jump." I grinned. "It's not real."

"Come on, Eric. Dauntless don't do that."

"I'm kidding. I wondered if you'd have the guts."

Four rose carefully and began walking along the bridge towards the nearest building. I followed, and in seconds we were in the building, crouching on the floor in a rapidly shrinking corridor.

"Fear of confinement." Four shook himself and scrabbled about with some metal spikes on the floor, trying to shove them under the wall that threatened to crush us. I grabbed a couple of the spikes and jammed them under the screeching metal. It halted, leaving us barely any room to move.

I blinked. The walls moved, and we were in an open area, with Four standing over a young girl. He held a gun in his hand, pointing it at her forehead.

"Who's she?"

"Nobody. An innocent. I have to shoot her, but I can never look at her while I do it."

"Huh, that's easy," I scoffed.

Four shot me a look that told me I was an arsehole. He fired while he was looking at me, and I knew he wished it were me he was shooting.

"What's next? There are four, right?"

Four huffed out a breath and turned the other way. I turned, too. Suddenly, Four was younger—probably seventeen or eighteen. He looked the way he had when I first met him, as we stood on the edge of the roof waiting to jump into Dauntless.

Four glanced furtively around him, then climbed out of the nearby window. I followed and jumped to the ground a few feet below. It was dark outside, and I watched in disbelief as another young guy came to meet him. This one looked about the same age, but had black hair cut short and spiky. They fell into each other's arms, obviously used to doing this.

"Shit," I whispered. Four was gay?

"Tobias!" I jumped, just as the pair broke apart in shock. Marcus Eaton stood a few feet away, with a belt in his hand.

Another revelation. Four was Tobias Eaton?

"It's far too long since you were shown right from wrong." Marcus advanced on his son. The dark-haired boy fled, while the young Four faced his father, trembling and wide-eyed. "You think I want a faggot for a son?" He lifted his arm, about to bring the belt down on Four's head. Four backed away, crossing his arms in front of his face.

I sprang. I didn't think about it. Instinct took over. We were both Dauntless and he was under threat. That's all. My fist met Marcus's jaw, and while he staggered and rubbed his face, the belt having fallen to the ground, I went in with the other fist and hit him in the side of the head. He dropped like a stone. I blinked and opened my eyes in the Sim room, to find Four already back in the present, shuddering and clenching his fists.

I got off the chair. "What the hell was that?"

"That—" He pulled himself to his feet "—was what we have in common."

"And what's it supposed to prove? We have one thing in common so suddenly we're meant to be bosom buddies?"

Four shook his head. "You're out of control. Worse in the past few months than you usually are."

"Bullshit," I muttered.

"Eric, listen to me. I said Max was concerned about you, but I meant he's concerned about how you're acting. He's giving you a chance to fix it."

"What do you mean?" I stiffened and part of me went back to that young guy staring up at the leader board, trying to find his name. "He's thinking of getting rid of me?"

"He hasn't said so. But he wouldn't put you or me through this without good reason. He thinks I can help you."

"He's wasting his time. So are you. All you've done is make me look like a fucking idiot, and out yourself to the one person who's just waiting for you to trip yourself up."

Four frowned. "I don't care if you tell people what you saw. Sure, I've kept it to myself up to now, but that's because it's nobody else's business. It seems like you have more to lose than I do."

I took a step towards him again, my fists clenched. I wanted to shut him up, but then my gaze landed on the healing cut on his lip that I had put there, and I felt the tiniest prick of guilt. I turned away and began to open the door. Before it was more than six inches open, Four's hand crashed into it above my shoulder and slammed it closed.

"What?" I snapped without looking back.

"Just think about things. You don't have to talk to me. That's up to you. But like I said, you can trust me."

"You gonna let me open the fucking door?"

Four stepped away. "Go. You know where to find me."

I stormed out and back to my room. By the time I got there, my temper had increased again, but for once, I tried not to shut down my thoughts and actually think about things. Why was I so mad with Four? Because he saw me kissing a boy in my Sim? Because Steven turned into him and I couldn't bear the embarrassment? Was it because he showed his own fears? Was it because he liked guys too, and that thought made my pulse race? Or because Max might be considering throwing me out?

I couldn't imagine myself having a conversation with Four that didn't involve us insulting each other. What did he expect? That suddenly I would go to him and pour out all the shit in my head? All the stuff I wouldn't even let myself think about? Could I really trust him? I'd never trusted anyone—not since my parents turned their backs on me and took my little sister away.

I lay down on my bed and stared at the ceiling. It was late, but I doubted I would sleep. My mind wouldn't quit. I must have slipped away eventually, because I woke hours later, still on top of my bed covers with my clothes and boots on. My head ached from self-analysing, and my clock told me I had barely any time to get down to the training room for my next episode of torture—Max showing the initiates our Sims.

I rushed through my shower, dressed, and headed down, a sick feeling in my stomach. He wouldn't do that to me, would he?

The group was already assembled in front of the large screen on the wall above the knife-throwing targets. Four stood at the back of the group, apart from everyone else. I slunk up to him and positioned myself a few feet to his left. I clenched my fists as I waited to see what would happen, and to my utter disbelief, from the corner of my eye I noticed Four grin.

"What's so fucking funny?" I hissed.

"Calm down. You have nothing to worry about," he whispered.

"Good morning, everyone," Max greeted.

Most people chorused a response.

"Today you start Stage Two of your training. To start, I'm going to show you a few examples of our leaders and trainers going through their Sims, so you'll know what to expect."

I breathed out through my nose and ground my teeth. I wouldn't put it past Max to make me look like a fool in front of everyone. He'd kept my secret all these years, but he was pissed at me. Maybe he'd do it so I'd leave of my own accord and he wouldn't have to tell me to go.

"These are all very common fears, and many of you will have similar ones in your own experiences." Max pressed a button on the small device he held in his hand, and the screen lit up. "Fear of heights."

Four's bridge came into view, with Four crouching on it, clutching the edges. Gradually, he pulled himself to his feet and began to make his way on shaky legs to the building. When he disappeared inside, a few people applauded.

"I hate heights," a girl said.

"Fear of being buried alive," Max continued.

The scene changed to a picture of Ricki in a coffin, being lowered into the ground. Earth fell on the coffin while she kicked and hammered on the wood, then collected herself and began to pry up one corner of the lid with a small tool she found in her pocket. In seconds, she was pushing through the soil and scrambling out of the grave like a zombie.

"Finally—and this is one many of you will experience at some point, even if it doesn't appear in your Sims—fear of failure."

The picture changed to me, fighting with Four and losing, then scanning the leader board for my name, and being told by Max that I was a failure.

"Eric was never bottom of the leader board," Max added. "In fact, he never slipped out of the top three. He overcame the fear of failure and is in one of the top positions here."

I heaved a shaky sigh of relief as the screen went black.

"You'll all worry about failure at some time during your training. We've already lost some of you after Stage One. Work hard and make Dauntless proud. That's all. I'll leave you in Four's hands. He will administer the serum and monitor your Sims. The rest of you can carry on training with Ricki and Eric." He walked away.

"You all right?" Four whispered.

I glanced at him in surprise.

"You didn't really think he'd make you look bad, did you?"

I shrugged. He grinned and turned his attention to the group. "Ladies first. Tris, Molly, Christina, Catherine, and Rebecca. With me, please." He set off with the five girls following, leaving the remaining fifteen with Ricki and me.

"What are we doing today?" Ricki asked.

"Knife-throwing."

"Are you okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" Instantly, my hackles went up.

"We didn't see you for nearly two days. I came by your room to see if you were sick."

"Yeah, I guess I ate something bad."

She stared at me, seeming confused, but then turned away. I shook off the tension and spoke to the group. "Okay, guys. We've done this before. I want to see every knife hitting those targets. Begin."

They lined up without a word and began throwing, all working hard to stay out of the red. Fear of failure.


	4. Chapter 4

Later that day there was a lot of talk about how fast the Stiff got through her Sim, and how she might have done it. I didn't pay much attention. She didn't interest me. But some of the other initiates had begun to take a dislike to her because of it, as well as the fact that she started at the bottom of the leader board, and had already crept up the list far enough to survive the first week. She showed an annoying level of improvement unusual in Stiffs—very like Four when he was in training.

He spent much of his spare time with her, and it was obvious to anyone with partial eyesight there was something going on there. I wondered if he was doing it as a cover just in case I outed him. If he showed an obvious interest in her, it was doubtful any of them would believe someone who everyone knew disliked him. Or perhaps he liked both sexes. Relationships between existing Dauntless and initiates was frowned upon because it distracted the newcomers from their training, but no one seemed to care in this case.

The Sim training continued for the next week, with one or two initiates dropping out of their own accord when they couldn't handle it. Four kept his distance and barely spoke to me. He spent almost every mealtime sitting with the Stiff and a couple of her friends. This was a good thing, because it didn't give me any opportunity to pick a fight with him.

I tried to keep my temper in check that week. Max was watching me. Even when he wasn't around, I knew he'd glance at the camera screens from his office every so often. I even tried not to intimidate the initiates too much, which was unheard of for me, and didn't go unnoticed by Ricki. She didn't say much, but I caught her giving me curious looks every so often.

Nothing changed for me at night. In fact, when I was alone in my room trying not to think, things were worse than usual. I couldn't get the knowledge that Four liked guys out of my head, and with that thought, came the repetitive rerunning in my mind of the part in my Sim where Steven turned into him. I imagined his hands on me, and I couldn't rid myself of this. It infuriated me and no amount of cold showers or punching or headbutting the wall to cause myself pain seemed to help.

"You know where to find me," he had said to me. Would it help if I talked to him, or would he see it as an excellent opportunity to humiliate me? I argued with myself over it throughout the next day and despite my conviction I wouldn't give him the satisfaction, I found myself outside his door late in the evening.

I lifted my hand to knock half a dozen times, then changed my mind. "He'll think you're a fucking idiot," I told myself, and eventually turned away from the door.

"Hey. You looking for me?" He appeared in the corridor behind me.

"No," I bit out.

Four stepped past me to unlock his door and pushed it open, then remained in the corridor and waited for me to walk through it. After a moment, I did so. He followed and closed the door. He didn't say anything as he went to his small refrigerator, took out a bottle of whiskey, and poured generous measures into two chunky glasses. When he held one out to me, I took it and gulped the contents. He refilled it without a word, then put the bottle away. Still he didn't speak, and the silence made me uncomfortable. I knew he was waiting for me to say something, and I didn't know how to start. I considered leaving, but then I'd only feel like even more of a dick in front of him.

"It sucks, doesn't it?" I grunted eventually.

"What does?"

"Being like this. Not like you can hook up with anyone without getting found out."

"Oh, I don't know. It can be done." Four smiled a little.

"What? I've never seen you with anyone."

"That doesn't mean I haven't been. Six years is a long time to be on your own. I've had two or three, um, episodes. Whatever you want to call them."

"How?" I stared at him.

"So long as it's someone who can be trusted, who doesn't want to be found out any more than you do, it's possible. It's been over a year, but yeah. Remember the Amity transfer two years ago?"

I remembered immediately. The redheaded guy was the last one we'd had. Everyone thought he would fail, but he made it through all the Stages and lasted six months before he was killed in a battle with the Factionless. "Yeah," I said.

Four grinned. "Managed to keep it quiet the entire time he was here."

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah." His smile disappeared. "Max would have said something if he knew anything was going on when Joe was in training. Later, it wouldn't have mattered much, but Joe was worried about his friends hating him. Keeping it to myself was harder when he died."

"I'm sorry." I hesitated. "What about the Stiff? You seem to be all over each other. You like both, or what?"

"No." He shook himself. "We're friends, that's all. She's a tough cookie. I've no doubt she'll get through the training. She does know about me." Four sat on the edge of his bed and gestured at a chair nearby. "You gonna sit down?"

"I wasn't planning on hanging around." I studied the glass in my hand, then tossed the contents down my throat.

"You obviously came here for a reason."

I shrugged. Ordinarily, I would have bitten his head off, but I couldn't bring myself to start a fight. I couldn't bring myself to talk either.

"Are you telling me you haven't even hooked up in six years?" he prompted me.

"What do you think?"

"Training to be a monk?" he teased.

"Fuck off." I sat on the chair and stared at the ground, fiddling with the glass, and wishing it were still full. "Doesn't the way your father treated you bother you?"

"Of course it bothers me. He was a bigoted bully and an arsehole. Even before he knew I liked boys, he beat me. He liked to punish me for any misdemeanour with his belt. The first time I was ten. It took three months for the scars on my back to heal."

I winced. "I didn't know that."

"But I'm not gonna let one man's ideals and his treatment of me ruin my life. Is that why you avoid, um, contact with anyone?"

"My family hates me," I muttered. "I don't want to be that disgusting freak that made them turn their backs on me." I grimaced as heat crept up my face. Why the hell was I pouring out all this shit to him?

"Your parents can't rule your life," Four said. "When you chose to become Dauntless, you made your own way, the same as I did. I chose this Faction because I knew it would make me strong, so I could cope with anything."

"I left because I had to. You heard what my father said. I was going to choose Erudite. Steven and I both were."

Four nodded. "He didn't choose to leave to be with you?"

"He didn't get the chance." I lifted the glass. "You got some more of this?" He got up and fetched the bottle from the fridge, filled my glass, and sat down again. I drank half of it. "I saw him in the line before we went in to choose our futures. I told him I was still going to choose Erudite despite my father having told me to get out. Steven was called up first, so he chose to stay. I chose differently. I needed to get away from that. From him." I gulped the rest of the whiskey.

"I'm sorry," Four said. "But you don't have to go through the rest of your life alone. You're not a freak. We are all affected by what our parents do and say, but they're not always right. Max doesn't think that."

"Doesn't he?"

"Nah. He knew about me and Joe after he passed the training. He didn't care so long as it didn't affect our work. He would have supported us if we let it be known, too."

"So, he expects me to stand up on the roof and yell "I like dick," does he?" I sneered.

Four frowned. "He wants you to stop being a dick. You're vile to everyone here. You torment the initiates. You're cruel, obnoxious, and generally unpleasant to be around. Half the people avoid you because you scare them, and the other half just don't like you."

"Gee, don't hold back." I sat up straight, my head spinning enough to make me wish I'd held off on the third glass of whiskey.

"I'm just telling it like it is."

"Anyone would think you came from Candor."

"Ha." He grinned. "I try to be a little of everything. We can't all be just one thing. It doesn't hurt to be kind on occasion, Eric."

"I don't give a shit what people think of me," I muttered.

"Then why are we here?"

"Because I hate myself!"

Four nodded calmly, while I cursed myself again for blurting out crap to him. Where the hell had that come from?

"Then you need to change."

I scowled. "You're not getting it."

"I get it just fine. I've been there. You can't change who you are, but you can change how you deal with it, and how you feel about yourself. There's nothing wrong with you except for your attitude. You have to let go of how your father made you feel and accept that you're not a freak. There are plenty of others like us. They don't stone us to death these days. I bet most of Dauntless wouldn't give a shit. They certainly don't in Abnegation or Amity."

"How do you know all this?"

"I talk to people. You should try it sometime." Four grinned.

"I'm talking now, aren't I?"

"Only because you feel like you have no choice."

I narrowed my eyes. He was too smart and too honest. It sparked an idea in me that maybe he was hiding something else about himself. It could get you killed. Could he be Divergent?

"What?" he prompted.

"Nothing. I'm done." I pushed myself up from the chair and much to my annoyance, staggered slightly.

"Steady, Eric, you don't want the little initiates seeing you drunk," Four teased.

"Go to hell."

He stood too. "You know, you're not nearly so bad when you're not going out of your way to piss me off. Seriously, though. You want to talk some more? You know—"

"—Where to find you. Yeah." I waved him off and let myself out. I had a lot to think about and maybe now it wouldn't be so hard as it usually was.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeanine Matthews summons Eric to give him instructions on helping her take over the city, and holds a surprisingly tempting carrot in front of his nose.

I couldn't relax when I got back to my room. I went over and over in my head the things he said to me and of course, what I said to him. "I hate myself?" Where the hell had that come from? Did I?

I paced, a little unsteadily, and wished I hadn't drunk so much. Four's whiskey measures weren't stingy like you'd get in a bar. I'd probably drunk nine shots in all. I switched on my coffee machine and gulped some water while I waited for it to brew. I doubted I'd sleep anyway, so drinking caffeine late at night wouldn't make much difference.

I didn't deserve Four being so reasonable, I acknowledged. He could have used what he found out to make me feel even more shitty, but he was trying to help me. I didn't blame him one bit for calling me—what was it? Vile, cruel, and obnoxious. I had to be a nightmare to live with for everyone concerned.

Two cups of coffee later and I had sobered up. I took a shower and for once, turned the temperature up and stood under a scalding spray with my eyes closed, wondering if it would really be so bad if I stopped punishing myself all the time. If I stopped fighting with myself.

"There's nothing wrong with you except your attitude." Four's words were still in my head. Pretty much everything he said was still in my head.

I leaned on the tiled wall with my face turned up, water battering my eyelids and cheeks, and rivulets cascading down my body. Despite the quantity of alcohol I'd swallowed, and my stress, I still got hard. My erection rose until it was upright, almost touching my belly. Hot needles of water stung the head and made me ache. I clenched my fists at my sides, so used to ignoring it and doing something to make myself suffer until it went away. All because of the way my father made me feel about myself.

"Training to be a monk?" Four had said. And he didn't even know about this—about how I treated myself. He wouldn't spend every morning cursing and hurting himself for waking with a hard-on. He'd probably get in the shower, lather up his hands with shower gel, and start jerking off to images of Joe, or whichever other initiate he had the hots for at the time.

Immediately, the image of Four with his dick in his hand was imprinted on my brain, and I couldn't get rid of it. I pictured him naked, muscular arms bulging, his grip tight around his dick, hand moving slowly at first. Suddenly, the vision of him was in front of me, in my shower, a couple of feet away from me. Too caught up in it to drive the thoughts away, I kept my eyes closed and slipped further into my own personal Sim.

Four stepped closer and wrapped his other hand around my erection. "Fuck!" My whole body jumped at the shock of it. His thumb rubbed over my tip, then his hand slid down my shaft and back up. I watched as he jerked both of us at the same time—his left hand on me and his right hand on himself. His dick was thick and long with a slight curve to it. He was cut, too, like me. I groaned aloud and rolled my head back against the wall, doubting I'd last more than a minute.

"Come with me, Eric," Four's voice said. I looked down again as his erection pulsed in his hand, his come immediately washed away by the shower.

"Fuck!" I cried out as I came. I opened my eyes, the vision gone, and found myself gripping my dick as it started to soften. I snatched my hand away and stood still, stunned, as the water began to lose its heat. I turned it off, then rubbed my hands over my face as reality rushed back in. I just jerked off to a fantasy of Four doing that to me. How in the hell would I face him in the morning? He'd probably take one look at me and guess.

"Fuck it," I muttered. I towelled off, half resigned, and half sickened. He'd wanted to help me, hadn't he? He was helping—just in a different way to what he thought.

I slept better that night than I had in a long time, despite the mixture of alcohol and coffee, and despite my anxiety. When I dragged myself out of my room in the morning, reluctant to face Four, I was saved from this embarrassment by being called to Max's office.

"Sit down, Eric," he said after I closed the door and stood in front of his desk. I did so, wondering what I was about to be reprimanded for. I'd been better, hadn't I? "You've been summoned by Jeanine Matthews."

"What for?" This was the last thing I'd expected to hear. Jeanine was the head of Erudite. My imagination worked overtime. Max wanted rid of me and had cooked up some deal with Jeanine to take me back, rather than cast me out to the Factionless.

"She's planning a takeover. You must have heard talk about it."

"Ah. Yeah." I nodded. Four's father, Marcus, head of Abnegation, was the current overall leader, and Jeanine had been planning to usurp him for months.

"She wants our army to get rid of the Abnegation council and any of their fighters who might stand a chance."

"And you support this?"

"I don't make a secret of my views on the way Marcus Eaton runs things." Max curled his lip. "It's time for a change."

"So, why me?"

"She wants someone she can trust. Someone who'll get the job done."

"Are you getting rid of me?" I blurted.

"No, I'm not. That's not what this is about. We're working with her, that's all. I haven't failed to notice you're making an effort to change things, Eric. Did you talk to Four?"

I coughed and my face burned. "Yeah."

"Good. You two could make a good team if you'd give each other a chance. I've said the same to him." He pushed his chair back from his desk and stood up. "Jeanine's expecting you at ten. Report back to me when you return."

I nodded and got to my feet. The last thing I wanted to do was set foot in the Erudite building but arguing with Max about it wasn't an option. If I let down both him and Jeanine, I'd be out for sure. I slipped out of the building and went to wait for the train.

As I walked into Erudite's headquarters, the sudden thought of running into Steven hit me. Somehow, I'd managed not to think of this until now. What would I do if I saw him? He hadn't done anything wrong. I'd tricked him and left. Worse, what would I do if I saw my parents? Or Emily?

By the time I reached Jeanine's office, not having seen any of those people, I was nervous and sweating. I shook off my fears and pulled myself together as I was ushered into her office by a young guy in a blue suit who looked vaguely familiar.

"Thank you, Caleb," Jeanine said as she dismissed him.

The Stiff's brother was called Caleb. I'd heard her say he transferred to Erudite.

"Good morning, Eric." Jeanine nodded in the direction of a chair and moved around the other side of a huge glass desk to sit down. I sat.

"'Morning. I was surprised to hear you wanted to see me."

"Did Max tell you anything about our plans?"

"A little. Only that you intend to take over the ruling of the city from Abnegation."

"Yes. For that, I need the help of you and your army. Your new recruits are almost ready, yes?"

I nodded. "A few more days and we'll have confirmation of those who have made it."

"I'm having some ampules of serum sent to Dauntless. These are administered in the same way as the Sim serum and will help everyone focus. You are to make sure they are given to each and every member of your team, whether they are the new recruits or existing members. This includes leaders and trainers."

"Me too?"

"Yes. You'll administer it to everyone else, and yourself last."

I frowned. "What's in it?"

"Like I said, it will help everyone focus on the job at hand. Further instructions will come from me when the time is right."

I didn't like the sound of this one bit. I knew what Jeanine was capable of. She was a control freak, and I wouldn't be surprised if the serum she spoke of was something that gave her complete control over Dauntless by rendering us incapable of thinking for ourselves.

"What happens then?" I asked.

"You'll be called to invade Abnegation and take out the prime movers there. Marcus Eaton, and Andrew and Natalie Prior are the main problems. There are others. I'll send a list."

I nodded, while my hackles went up and my jaw stiffened. She'd just named Four's father, and the Stiff's parents. That wouldn't go down well. Maybe Four wouldn't mind seeing his bullying father put down, but he was close to Tris. I doubted he'd appreciate anything happening that would hurt her.

"That sounds a little harsh," I ventured.

Jeanine raised an eyebrow. "Unlike you to care, Eric. Well, I suppose even the toughest individuals must care about something. I have a small incentive for you." She pressed a buzzer on her desk, and a moment later the door opened. Caleb Prior walked in, followed by a chubby young woman in a smart blue dress, her brown hair pulled back severely into a bun. Caleb ushered her towards me, then stepped back and left.

"Eric!" My own eyes looked back at me and my heart stopped.

"Emily?" She was eleven the last time I saw her, and skinny as a rail. Now she'd be seventeen, less than a year away from her own choosing day.

"Your sister has confided in me that she wishes to join you in Dauntless. She's counting off the days until next year when she turns eighteen. If you succeed in the mission I've given you, Emily will have the option to transfer early. Your parents know nothing of this, you understand. It wouldn't please them, to know their daughter plans to leave them for the son they hate."

I flinched.

"Emily, please show Eric out. You may have ten minutes."

Emily opened the door again and led me outside, then closed it behind us. "I must look different to the last time you saw me." Her round face flushed.

"I don't care about that." I shrugged. "You're planning to join Dauntless?"

"Yes." She nodded vigorously. "Mother and Dad have been awful. He's a spiteful bigot, and she agrees with everything he says to keep the peace. You should hear what he says about Steven whenever he sees him. And Caleb."

"Caleb's gay?"

"Yes. I can't wait to get away. I want to be with you. I hate myself and what I'm becoming."

"I know that feeling," I muttered.

"I know I'm fat and unfit. I eat because I'm miserable." She shrugged. "Are you going to do what Jeanine wants?"

"Of course. I've missed you, Em."

"Me too. I never understood why Dad made you leave when I was a kid. Now, I hear him every day and I hate him. He even took away the pictures I had of you." She sniffed and brushed away a tear. "He thinks I'm going to choose Erudite next year and be an assistant to Jeanine. I'm not. Even if I don't leave here early, I'm coming to Dauntless as soon as I get to choose. It doesn't matter what the test says."

"You'll get out early," I vowed. "No matter what Jeanine makes me do."

Emily threw her arms around me and held on tight. I hugged her back, wondering what I'd let myself in for. It didn't really matter. Whatever Jeanine wanted, I'd do it to get my sister back.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four suspects Eric knows more about what Jeanine is planning than he is letting on, and Eric tries to distract Four with a surprising conversation that gets out of hand

When I got back to Dauntless, Ricki was organising fights in the training room. A bunch of initiates along with Four were missing, and I guessed they were in the Sim room, or waiting outside it. I went to find Max.

"Close the door," he instructed when I arrived in his office. I did so and sat down without waiting to be invited.

"What does she want from you?" he asked.

"After the training finishes and we know who's staying, I have to give them all a shot of serum. Not just the new ones, but everyone here, and myself last."

Max nodded. "Go on."

"She says it's intended to help everyone focus so we can take out the prime movers in Abnegation and get rid of any who are strong enough to resist."

"What do you think?"

"I think there's more to it. Jeanine will stop at nothing. I wouldn't be surprised if the serum is some kind of control drug."

Max's eyes narrowed and a look flashed across his face that told me I was right, before he schooled his expression into curiosity. He knew what Jeanine had planned and my guess had been right. So, they were both using me to get the job done, regardless of the method. He didn't care if we mindlessly slaughtered Four's father and possibly dozens or even hundreds of others. He and Jeanine between them, wanted the power. I did the same thing Max was doing, and made myself look uncomprehending, but slightly amused.

"It'll be done on Sunday night," he said. "Let them all celebrate on Saturday. Or mourn their leaving as appropriate."

I grinned. "The Factionless will grow by quite a few this year."

Max smiled. "Thank you, Eric. That will be all."

I went down to the training room to watch the fights. Ricki had paired the Stiff with Carl, one of the tough but not very smart guys. He was close to the bottom of the leader board, having dropped below the line immediately after Sim training started. He was pissed off, and he flung his fists at Tris like sledgehammers. But she was smarter and faster, and she read his moves easily, dancing out of reach before diving back in to jab him.

"She's good," I said grudgingly.

"Yeah." Ricki glanced at me. "Where've you been?"

"Running an errand for Max. What did I miss?"

"The usual suspects are winning."

An hour later, we were called to lunch. The distraction of the meetings with Jeanine and then Max had taken my mind off my shower activities, and by the time I sat down at the table opposite Four, I was no longer thinking about his dick.

"Good of you to join us," he said. "Couldn't get out of bed this morning?"

I scowled as was expected. "Fuck off. I was up before you. Had an errand."

He raised an eyebrow. "What errand?"

"You want a blow by blow account of everything I do?" I sneered.

"Yeah, that would make for an interesting tale." He rolled his eyes and grinned.

Tris, beside him, glanced at me, then him. Christina, the other side of Tris, opened her fat mouth as usual. "Are you two suddenly friends, or what?"

"Haven't you been told to keep your mouth shut more than once already?" Four asked her before I could.

"Sorry."

"You're not in Candor now," he added.

She dropped her gaze back to her plate. Four looked across at me and our eyes met, his questioning. I ignored him and did the same as Christina. I dug into my food, barely tasting what I was eating. Now, the image of him naked in my shower was back in my head, and I couldn't get my lunch eaten and escape from the table fast enough. I didn't see him for the rest of the afternoon until dinner, which gave me plenty of time to wonder whether I should give him any hint of what was planned. I was still thinking about it when we reconvened at the dinner table. He sat down the end of the table from me, so I didn't have to look at him, but it didn't stop me thinking.

Could I trust Four? He'd proved I could trust him with my secret, but this was a whole different ballgame. What would he do if he knew he and everyone else here were to be drugged and controlled by Jeanine? He could end up killing Marcus himself, or worse, Tris's parents. Somehow, I'd grown a small amount of conscience there. I could tell him, but then what? If I were found out to have opened my mouth and the plan failed, or even partly failed, Emily would be stuck in Erudite for almost another year. That decided me against saying anything. It wasn't like we were friends. We'd had one conversation when he showed he supported me, which had turned into me fantasising about him. I wasn't beholden to him. I didn't have to tell him anything.

I thought I could avoid Four to save myself both the embarrassment of my thoughts, and having to hide what I knew, but I should have known he would butt into things. The next morning, a rare day when training didn't start until the afternoon, he turned up at my door. I was just out of the shower, still cringing over the fact that I jerked off over him again, and when I answered the knock, unthinking, I was still wet and wearing only a towel around my waist. I opened the door, ready to tell whoever it was to go to hell and found Four standing there. A sleeveless shirt showed off the tattoos on his arms and shoulders, and he had on jeans so tight I could almost see the wrinkles in his cock. I cursed myself for even noticing what he was wearing.

"What do you want?" I grunted to cover my embarrassment at being faced with him minutes after I had a fantasy about him.

"I want to talk to you."

"About?"

"Let me in, will you?" He glanced each way down the corridor.

"Someone after you?" I peered out of the door to see what he was looking for. The corridor was empty.

"Don't be a jerk, Eric."

I moved aside to let him in. "I wouldn't want to step out of character."

Four closed the door and leaned on it. "What did Jeanine want with you?"

"How do you know about that?"

"I put two and two together."

"And made Four?" I sneered.

To my surprise, he laughed. My lips twitched despite myself. I tried to scowl but couldn't manage it.

"So?" he prompted.

"It was nothing. She just wanted to make sure we're available to support her with this takeover thing," I said casually. "I guess she expects the more determined Abnegations to put up a fight."

Four's eyes narrowed. "What exactly is she planning?"

"How the hell should I know? You think the great Jeanine would tell someone like me anything?"

"Well, what did Max tell you?"

"Nothing. He told me she wanted to see me and when I came back, I confirmed what he already knew." I wasn't sure how convincing I was being. Four was looking at me like he could see through me. I had to distract him somehow. "I saw Caleb, the Stiff's brother," I said. "Did you know he's gay?"

"Yes, Tris told me when I told her about me. Was he okay?"

"Looked to be." I paused. "I was kind of hoping I'd see Steven, but he wasn't around."

"Why would you want to see him?"

I shrugged. "To see how he was getting on. Tell him I was sorry, I guess." I wondered if that might sound too fake, when I was usually so uncaring, but he knew I'd cared for Steven, at least a little bit.

Four grinned. "Ah, our conversation did have some effect on you then."

"Yeah, to the extent of me jerking off in the shower," I blurted.

I wasn't sure who was more surprised by this statement. Four's eyes went wide, and his gaze dropped to my towel. I bit my tongue, half of me wondering why I'd said it, and the other half relieved that he was distracted enough to not ask me any more questions about Jeanine.

"Fuck," he muttered.

I snorted. "What? You don't jerk off in the shower?" I glanced down and noticed a slight movement in his jeans. I snorted some more. "What's the matter, Four? The sight of me all wet in a towel getting you flustered, is it?"

He licked his lips. "I guess I didn't expect you to say something like that to me. A few days ago, you said you hated yourself for what you are."

"You made me think about things differently. Like you said, six years is a long time to be on your own. To not even think about it. I used to take cold showers every day to stop myself thinking about it."

"That's harsh." He licked his lips again. His voice had deepened and gone rough. Another quick glance told me he was definitely getting hard. It drew my attention to the fact that my heart had begun to pound, and my blood was heading south. Not something I wanted to happen with only a towel on. It'd be even more obvious than his situation.

"You told me I was cruel. I guess I was more cruel to myself than anyone else."

"You seem different."

I shrugged and barely paused before I uttered the words that sprang into my mind. "I'm just horny."

"Jesus, Eric." Four's words hissed out on a sort of gasp. "What are you doing? You want to fool around? Is that it?"

"I don't know. Maybe. I don't know many people who'd be into it. The only other two I know of are under Jeanine's lock and key." My pulse was racing, and my dick rubbed against the towel as it strained upwards.

Four stared into my eyes. "And what about later? You regret it and blame me? Behave like even more of an arsehole than usual?"

"I wouldn't do that." I licked my lower lip, wondering if it looked as sexy as when he did it. I felt like I was in a Sim. This wasn't me. I would never dream of behaving like this, but I was too caught up in it to stop, and the episodes in the shower, imagining his hands on me, had made me want to experience that for real. What he'd said to me really had an effect. I didn't want to punish myself for thinking like that. I just wanted to enjoy it.

Four reached out and his knuckles brushed my stomach as he gripped the edge of the towel. I held my breath and looked down as the towel fell away. My dick bounced up and bumped his fingers. A quick turn of his wrist, and it was in his hand.

"Fuuuuck," I breathed.

Four grinned and rubbed his thumb over my tip, just like he did in my fantasy. "You sure you want this, Eric?"

"Y-yeah." My breathing hitched and made me stutter. I stared at the bulge in his jeans, and cautiously ran my palm over it. Four's breath left him in a rush. "Get it out," I whispered.

"You get it out."

I paused, then unzipped his fly. His dick slid free, unrestrained by underwear. It was thick and long but didn't have the curve to it I'd imagined in my make-believe Sim. I made a fist around it. The feel of him in my hand made my balls pull up. Shit, I probably wouldn't last as long as I had in the shower, even after having come not fifteen minutes earlier.

Four leaned in closer, bringing his mouth close to my ear, as he began jerking me off with slow, even strokes. I copied his movements, my heart hammering as I felt his warm breath on my neck. "I wouldn't have thought you'd go for someone like me," he whispered.

"W-what do you mean?"

"I mean, even though I'm the only one here you know about, I'm hardly your type, am I?" He squeezed harder and ran his thumb around my crown.

I groaned and leaned against him. "I don't have a type."

"Steven was kind of, I don't know, weaker?"

"As opposed to what? A tough guy like you?"

"Exactly."

"Well, how about this?" I closed my eyes and tried to think. It was hard work, thinking. My brain was in his hand, pulsing, driving all common sense out of me. "He wasn't really my type. He was all I knew."

"So, what? I'm your type?" Four flicked his tongue around the shell of my ear. I shivered and my hand trembled as I tried to stroke him evenly.

"I guess. What about you?"

"Same. The guy you saw in my Sim, and Joe, and the others were all, uh, they didn't hide it that well. So, I could, um, approach them without worrying I might get a black eye." His voice was shaking the same way mine was.

I chuckled and gasped. "Four, I'm gonna—"

"Yeah." He came, spurting over my knuckles, as I shot my load into his hand and dripped on the floor. He let go of me, took a step back, and stooped to grab the towel. He wiped his hand and his groin, and quickly tucked himself away. I snatched the towel from him, suddenly embarrassed. I turned away from him, scrubbed the mess off myself, and grabbed a pair of jeans.

"Eric." He touched my shoulder as I dragged the denim up my shaky legs.

"What?"

"Don't freak out."

"I'm not." I shoved my softening cock into the jeans and tried not to trap anything in the zipper as I yanked it up.

"You are. I didn't expect this, you know. I didn't come here to have sex. I wanted to find out what Jeanine is up to. You still didn't tell me anything."

Damnit. All this, and he wasn't distracted after all. "There's nothing to tell," I muttered.

"There is. I'm not stupid, Eric. So talk."


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eric receives a secret message from Emily and confides in Four, which leads to them discovering they have something else in common

"Four, I've told you—" I began, but before I had to figure out a way to put him off, someone knocked on my door. It didn't matter who it was. The interruption gave me longer to avoid telling him anything. I went to open it, then paused. "Get out of sight," I whispered.

Four slipped into the bathroom and waited while I opened the door to find one of the existing older Dauntless on the other side of it.

"Someone's here to see you," he said. "On the roof."

"Huh? Who?"

"I don't know. A young woman, I was told."

"Okay. I'll be right there. Thanks." The only person I could think of who would come to see me, would be Emily. But if she'd been able to get out and make her way here to do that, I wondered why she hadn't before. "I have to go. Let yourself out," I told Four. I grabbed a shirt, shoved my feet into my boots, and walked out, leaving the door open. Within minutes, I was on the roof.

Emily sat on the low wall around the perimeter, waiting for me. She wore dark blue pants and a loose sweater, both of which were dusty as if she'd been rolling on the rooftop. Her face lit up as she saw me, and she got to her feet.

"What are you doing here?" I gave her a hug. "I didn't expect to see you again so soon."

"I wanted to come before, but they would never let me out. Dad would probably lock me in my room for a year if he knew where I was, but Jeanine wanted me to deliver a message. She said it's a list." She pulled a folded envelope from her pocket and handed it to me. "She said she was sending me as an incentive. I have this note for you, too." She passed me a small piece of paper.

I opened the envelope and found a list of names printed on it, with Marcus Eaton's and the Priors at the top. On the separate note, Emily had drawn some symbols. When she was about eight or nine, she devised a game where she could communicate with me through a coded language she made up, that our parents didn't know about. It was completely random, nothing connected to anything else, and it was unlikely to be figured out by anyone if they saw it.

"Be careful, Eric," Emily said softly. "The message is really important."

I knew better than to say anything else. I tucked the note into my pocket and took her to the ladder leading down to ground level. "If you walk about five minutes that way," I said, pointing, "you'll find one of the metal columns you can climb back up to the next platform. It's got blue graffiti on it. How'd you manage to get up here, anyway? You could have walked up to the building and pressed the buzzer."

She smiled. "I took the train and jumped off, like you do. One of my friends was a Dauntless transfer a couple of years ago, and she told me how to get here the Dauntless way."

"I'm impressed."

"Well, if I'm going to join you, I have to be able to get over the first hurdle. This is no place for cowardice." She gave me another hug. "See you soon." She disappeared down the ladder. I watched, grinning with admiration as she descended, then waved from the bottom before she walked away.

I didn't take out the note again until I was back in my room and had checked that Four was gone. Then I studied the symbols and deciphered her message: "Medicine affect no mixtures. Captured mixtures cross river."

"What?" I muttered. We'd used the word "medicine" when she was a kid and didn't understand what "serum" meant. When I went for my test, I told her they would give me some medicine which would tell me the best Faction for me.

"Serum won't affect—?" The second part of the note made sense. I'd read Greek mythology to Emily when she was little. The reference to crossing the river was about the River Styx, the crossing of which meant death. So, what was "mixtures?" Bits of something put together?

"Divergents," I whispered. "Shit. The serum Jeanine is sending won't affect Divergents. If we get caught for acting differently, we're dead."

How did Emily know I was Divergent? Unless she was herself and saw something in me. It was a possibility. She'd made her way here the way we would, without help, which entailed climbing a pillar, running to jump on a moving train, and throwing herself off it across a gap onto the building. That wasn't the usual behaviour of an Erudite unless they'd transferred and were following the crowd. If she were Divergent, she could be in danger, too, simply from being under Jeanine's nose and potentially giving herself away.

Four was Divergent. I knew he was, although I doubted he'd admit it. A week ago, I wouldn't have cared. I'd thought I hated him, but really, I was just jealous that he was better at so many things than I was. Then I was pissed off and embarrassed because my Sim turned Steven into him. Now I was fantasising about him; wanting him. We just jerked each other off and the fact that he seemed to be into me sent a thrill through me. Did I really want to see him potentially get caught and killed? But if I told him and things went wrong, where would that leave Emily?

I was torn, but there was only one thing I could do. I couldn't handle this on my own, and I couldn't even trust Max. He'd probably kill me himself if he found out what I was. I had to trust that Four wouldn't throw me under a bus, even if I were wrong about him. If I didn't tell him and he got caught, I'd hate myself more than I had previously.

There was nothing I could do right then. Four would be in the Sim room putting the initiates through their paces, probably for the rest of the day. There would be no chance to talk to him at lunch either. I trained the fighters with Ricki, distracted by what I should say and how I would get him to listen to me. I didn't get the opportunity until after dinner that evening, after he'd gone up to his room.

I left it ten minutes, so I didn't look too obvious, then followed him. I knocked, but he didn't answer. I tried again, banging the side of my fist into his door. He had to be in there. Finally, the door opened, to reveal him wet and wearing a towel. My gaze travelled down to the towel and back up over his bulging pecs before I could stop myself. Snorting with laughter, he stood back and waited for me to enter. "We seem to have been here before."

"Yeah." I turned away and locked the door.

"Okay." He backed up. "Still freaking out, huh?"

"No. It's not about that. You asked me about Jeanine."

"I know you know something. You're not great at lying, Eric."

"Shut up and listen."

"All right. Give me a minute." He turned his back, dropped the towel, and pulled on a pair of sweatpants. I tried not to look, but it was impossible not to stare at his naked body and the huge tattoo covering his back. I'd never seen him without a shirt. Part of the design included all five of the Factions' symbols. He wouldn't be that obvious, would he? He said he tried to be a little of everything. He picked up a T-shirt and turned back to face me.

"Nice tat. Must have taken a while."

"Yeah. Hides the scars, too."

I grimaced. "Sorry."

"Another time. What were you going to tell me?"

"You have to trust me," I began.

"Do I?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Don't look at me like that. I trusted you, didn't I? When I was fucked up in the head over my own shit. I still am, by the way, but not half as much. I found out something today. Jeanine's apparently looking for Divergents as well as taking over the city."

"That's nothing new. Why else would they hide?"

"This is different. This takeover she's planning—she's sending over a batch of serum that I'm supposed to inject into everyone, including myself. Including you. She said it's to help everyone focus, but there's more to it. I think it will render us incapable of thought; turn us into mindless drones. But it doesn't work on Divergents."

Four's eyes narrowed. "How do you know this?"

"My sister brought me a message from Jeanine. That's who came to see me this morning. Jeanine sent the list of people she wants taking out, which includes the Stiff's parents and your father. And when I say that, I mean she wants them dead. Emily brought a separate note that she wrote for me in code. It's a secret language we made up when we were kids. She says the serum won't work on Divergents, so if there are any here and they act different and are spotted—" I drew a finger across my throat.

"How does Emily know that?"

"I have no idea, but she's as smart as they come. Erudite, you know."

"Why are you telling me this? About Jeanine's plan to kill Divergents."

I hesitated. What if I was wrong about him? "Don't you know one? The little Stiff? I don't suppose you want her knocking off as well as her parents, do you?"

"What makes you think she's Divergent?"

My temper bubbled up. Of course he wouldn't believe me. Why would he? "You know what? Fuck it. I didn't have to tell you any of this shit, did I? I asked you to trust me. Clearly that's not possible, so the hell with it! If she ends up dead, or anyone else does that you care anything about, don't say I didn't warn you!" I clenched my fists, glowering at him.

"Whoa, settle down. Of course I'm gonna be wary when you come out with something like that." He looked me over thoughtfully. "Have you talked to Max about this?"

"Only about the serum part and the planned killings. He's with Jeanine on that. He already knew all about it. I don't trust him."

Four frowned and nodded. "I don't either. He likes his power too much."

"Well, you don't have much time to decide whether to believe me about the Divergent aspect. It's happening Sunday night. That's when the serum is being administered. And if you say anything about it, I guess I'm dead, too, because there's no one else you could have got that information from."

Four stepped closer—close enough that I felt his breath on my face. "What percentage are you?" he murmured.

"We're talking about you." I thought for a moment. He was usually honest to the point of annoyance. At least he had been with me. "Tell me, yes or no. Are you?"

"Fuck you, Eric," he growled. "Yes. All right?"

I smirked. "Your Candor comes out too easily. You should watch that."

"No one else has spotted it."

"Yeah, well. It takes one to know one. I'm forty, by the way."

He nodded and relaxed. "I figured. You're too smart to only be Dauntless."

"Right. You're not total, are you? I mean, the tattoo would be too obvious."

He shook his head. "Sixty. Abnegation, Candor, and Dauntless. And you're right about Tris, but she's in more danger than either of us. She's one hundred percent."

"Shit." I found a new admiration for Tris. She wasn't obvious, only to someone who knew what to look for. "We need to make a plan. They could take all of us out, but even if we get through this, when Jeanine realises I screwed her, she won't let Emily go. She's using my sister to bribe me into doing what she wants. If I do it, Emily can transfer right away. Em's desperate to leave my parents and come here. She hates our dad as much as I did."

"Then we need to find another way to get Emily out. Jeanine might do more to punish her than refuse to let her go."

"I can't lose her," I muttered.

"We won't let that happen." He touched my arm. "I trust you. Okay? As much as I hate saying that. I was just cagey until I realised what your angle was."

I nodded. "Thanks."

"We need to figure out what we're gonna do. Come and sit down." He gestured to the chair I'd used before.

"You better hold off on the whiskey this time." I sat.

"Coffee?"

"Yeah, that'd be good."

Four already had a pot of coffee brewing. He poured two mugfuls and added sugar to both, then handed me one.

"You know how I drink my coffee?" I grinned.

"I've seen you at breakfast every day for six years, Eric. I think I can figure it out." He punched me lightly in the shoulder, then sat opposite me on the edge of the bed.

It was the first time I'd really relaxed in his company. We talked for hours, until the light outside the window slid away and Four switched on the room lights, and on into the night. We didn't touch on anything personal. We talked over every little detail of what would happen on Sunday and what might happen after the serum was administered. Everything that could go wrong was discussed, and every possible way to get through it we could think of, keeping Four, myself, Tris, and Emily safe, as well as trying to avoid killing Tris's parents. Her mother was Divergent too, and had transferred out of Dauntless, so she was tough and could help once she knew what was going on.

"What about Marcus?" I asked eventually.

"What about him?"

"He's top of the list, Four," I reminded him.

"I know that."

"You care whether he lives or dies?"

"I don't know." He avoided looked at me. "He deserves to die, after everything he did to me. But something tells me the guilt will haunt me if I don't try to keep him alive. I just—" He shook his head.

"What? He still scare you?"

He didn't look up.

"Four. Hey." I leaned across the couple of feet gap between the chair and the bed and nudged his knee with my fist. "He lays a finger on you, I'll break his face like I did in the Sim."

He raised his head and smiled. "I don't doubt it. You know, you're cool when you're not hating on everybody." He reached out as I withdrew my hand and caught my wrist. I stared in surprise as he slid his hand down the side of mine and threaded our fingers together.

I shook him off and snatched my hand back. "What are you doing?"

"I don't know, Eric. Some people call it affection." He folded his arms and sighed, looking exasperated.

"We're not in that place."

"Okay. Well, that's up to you." He stood up. "I like to do more than just fuck. I guess we're done for now."

I rose and headed for the door. "Yeah. 'Night," I grunted as I let myself out. I made my way back to my room, growling and cursing all the way.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eric analyses his dislike of affection, and realises the kind Four is offering needn't be so uncomfortable. The pair have a night out with Tris, the day before her final test

I barely slept during the few hours that were left of the night. I tried going to bed, but I tossed and turned, my mind whirling with thoughts of everything I talked about with Four, and what might happen during Jeanine's takeover. I tried to concentrate and iron out every detail in my head again to make sure we hadn't missed anything, but I couldn't get the last few seconds before I left his room out of my mind. Why did I reject that small sign of affection?

The truth was, I'd never really known any. My father was never affectionate with anyone—not even my mother. She never cuddled us when we were little either, and never held our hands. My father condemned it and said it would make us soft. He had the steely uncaring attitude of some Dauntless, but he'd been born Erudite and stayed there. Perhaps he was Divergent, too.

The only affection I'd ever had from anyone was from Steven, and that had been weird and awkward. I hadn't felt comfortable hugging and kissing him. The handful of occasions we fucked were okay, but I was aware even then that something was wrong about it, although I hadn't known what. That had been before my father found out and called me a disgusting, unnatural freak. It just hadn't felt right, what I did to him. He was too sweet and gentle, and too soft. I'd wanted him to be my equal.

I was just beginning to accept that Four was the kind of guy I wanted. If I couldn't have him, then eventually, someday, it would be a guy like him. And yet he showed me the smallest amount of affection and I reacted as if he smacked me in the mouth. What else could I have done? Held his hand like a girl? Is that what he wanted?

I groaned and ground the heels of my hands into my eyes. The scene from my Sim came to mind. I'd been kissing Steven and suddenly he was Four. We hadn't kissed in real life, but in my mind, the kissing was connected to the sex, or at least getting horny and wanting sex. It hadn't been about affection. Plenty of people seemed to kiss and cuddle and enjoy doing just that. A couple of the initiates were always at it when they weren't training. The mouthy Christina and a guy named Will couldn't seem to leave each other alone, but they didn't act sexy with each other.

Was that what Four wanted from me? If so, then I fucked up—again. He'd probably get it if I explained more about what my life had been like, but there was that thing again. Talking about stuff. I hated it. I'd never been a big talker, and certainly not about how I felt.

Eventually, I must have slept. I woke, irritable and with a headache, at the sound of the breakfast buzzer. I showered and dressed and rolled up late with my face rough and unshaven. I took the empty place at the table opposite Four. He glanced at me, but didn't speak, and proceeded to avoid looking at me for the rest of the meal. He was probably sulking after the way I reacted to his touch, and that irritated me more.

I didn't see him alone until after the day's training finished. It was Friday. One more day of this, and tomorrow night, everyone would be out celebrating. At least the initiates who passed would be. Four disappeared before dinner and didn't answer my knock on his door. Shrugging, I made my way up to the roof for some fresh air, but there he was, sitting on the wall around the edge, staring down at the street.

"Hey." Hesitantly, I walked over and hovered a few feet away.

"Hey," he responded without turning around.

"Sorry," I said grudgingly.

"What for?" Now, he turned his head and looked up at me.

"Uh, well, pulling away. I'm just not used to that, you know?"

"I know that. Sit down."

I sat on the wall, leaving a gap of a couple of feet between us. "I thought you were pissed off about it. Sulking or something."

Four laughed. "I don't sulk, Eric. I was trying not to look at you at breakfast. You were so obviously uncomfortable; I would have probably given away how I was feeling and drawn attention."

"How were you feeling?"

"Amused. Sympathetic."

"My father frowned on any form of affection. Never even gave my mother any that we saw. My sister and I used to hug each other sometimes, if one of us was upset, but that's all."

"What about Steven?"

"That was kind of cringy."

"Why?"

"I don't know. He wanted to be all cuddly and sweet. I didn't like it."

"Why? Because you weren't used to it, or because he wasn't your type?"

I thought for a second. "Both, probably."

Four smiled. "It's not a prerequisite to being with me. I said I like to do more than fuck, but I'm not "cuddly and sweet" as you put it."

"So, what do you like then?"

Four shuffled closer along the wall so the gap between us halved. "How about this?" He lifted one hand and gripped my jaw, then planted his mouth on mine. I didn't move for a moment, too stunned to respond, or pull away. His lips crushed mine and after a few seconds he thrust his tongue into my mouth. Then my eyes closed, and I responded without thinking about it. It was nothing like the way Steven used to kiss me. Four was rough and demanding, practically devouring me while his fingers dug into my face, holding me still. I heard a muffled groan—mine—and my blood rapidly headed south. I slid my hand around to his back and gripped a handful of his shirt. My pounding heart thundered in my ears. Then he pulled away, his pupils dilated and his chest heaving. "You need a fucking shave," he said breathlessly, letting go of my jaw to rub his mouth.

I burst out laughing and let go of him. "I'll remember that for next time."

"It wasn't that unpleasant then." He grinned.

"I could get used to it." I wasn't about to admit how much it had made my heart pound, and how I wanted to grab him right now and do it again. If that was what he wanted, I was all over it.

"We should get back inside before someone comes looking for us. It wouldn't look weird at all—us up here chatting."

"Yeah." I scrambled up and adjusted my pants, which were way too tight.

"You heading out tonight?"

I shrugged. "Probably." Most of the younger Dauntless went out Friday nights, to bars, or to get tattoos, or generally hang out together. I usually found myself alone in a bar, avoiding everyone.

"You're welcome to join us."

"Who's "us?" You and the Stiff?"

"Yes. You should get to know her."

"Did you tell her about me?"

"Of course not. I wouldn't do that. She might guess. She's not stupid, obviously. But she's also discreet. And she's one of us. Remember that."

I sighed. "All right."

"Yeah?" He looked surprised.

"Yeah. As long as that little bitch Christina doesn't tag along."

Four laughed. "I think she'll be too busy swapping spittle with Will."

"Nice picture. Thanks for that." I wrinkled my nose. Then I stepped up onto the wall and threw myself off the roof as the sound of Four laughing echoed above me.

A couple of hours later, I'd showered and shaved, and changed into something else—a black shirt and a newish pair of leather pants. I was tempted to leave the building alone, rather than raise eyebrows by setting off with Four and Tris, but what the hell. I couldn't be bothered with cloak and dagger shit. If anybody asked questions, fuck them.

"Hey, Eric." I turned at the sound of Tris's voice. I vowed to stop thinking of her as "the Stiff" if she was an ally, and "one of us," as Four put it. She smiled, not looking the least bit nervous, which most of the initiates did when they dared to approach me.

"Hey." I made myself look pleasant. I wasn't training her. We were heading out for a few drinks. Besides, she was in the top three on the leader board now. I had no reason to put her down. She was in the same position I'd been in six years ago—with only Peter and Molly between her and the top spot.

"Four's going to meet us outside," she said.

"Sure, okay." We made our way out into the street. It was deserted, with no one in sight.

"He told me about you." Tris spoke so quietly I barely heard the words.

"What?" I stiffened, my temper immediately rising. He'd said he wouldn't. Fuck him!

"That you're the same as him and me. And my mother."

"Oh!" I huffed out a breath, relieved.

"What did you think I meant?"

"Nothing."

"I know you're our leader, and you don't particularly like me. But you can trust me. I don't want to end up dead, and I don't want anything to happen to my parents. Four told me the plan. I'll be careful."

"Fair enough."

"Wonders will never cease. You're actually talking." Four appeared between us and draped an arm around each of our shoulders. "I thought that might've been too much to hope for."

"Fuck off." I shrugged his arm off and moved away. "Sorry," I grunted at Tris.

She sniggered. "You can say "fuck," Eric. I'm not a sensitive little flower."

Four snorted. "So, what are we doing tonight?"

"I want another tattoo," Tris said. "It'll give me a chance to talk to Tori as well. She's one of us. She needs to know what's happening."

"How many are there?" I wondered.

"More than you might think. I might get some more ink myself," Four said.

"I'm surprised you've room for anymore."

He grinned and whispered, "I don't have any on my arse."

"Shut up!" I hissed.

"Relax. What about you? Fancy anymore?"

I hesitated, wondering if he was only asking about tattoos. His eyes glittered. "Yes, I think so," I replied.

"Come on, guys. If we hurry up, we won't have to wait." Tris marched on ahead. Four caught her up and I followed a few paces behind.

We spent an hour or so with Tori. The three of us went in together and she closed the door to her unit while we talked and got inked. Ironically, we all got the same design—one that Tori had created herself, which she shared only with known Divergents. The symbol was chain links, with a broken one. Four had his at the bottom of his back, below the line of other Faction symbols. Tris had hers on her ankle where it would be hidden under her pants and inside her boot. I chose to have mine just above my left hipbone. A few days ago, I could never have pictured myself doing such a thing—branding myself with a design that others shared, as if we were in some secret club. But for some reason it seemed right to do it. Tori had it too, on the top of her foot.

"What now?" I asked as we headed out into the street again.

"Drinks!" Tris announced. "But not too many. I have no intention of failing my test tomorrow through being hungover. This might be the last chance I get to hang out with you two, though. Tomorrow night, all the new Dauntless will be out together and then—who knows what happens? We might not be here anymore."

"Pessimist, much." Four slung his arm around her neck and gave her a sideways hug. "We'll make it."

I trailed behind them, frowning. They were so comfortable with this casual affection thing. Little hugs and touches that seemed so natural. The moment Four did anything like that with me, like when he first came out to meet Tris and me, I shook him off as if he'd burnt me.

I was quiet in the bar we found. I had a couple of beers and half-listened as Four and Tris gossiped about other Dauntless, and their past lives in Abnegation. Mostly, they left me alone to my thoughts, and when we returned to Dauntless, Tris slipped away to her bed in the communal sleeping area. No one else was around, and I guessed they were either in bed already, or still out.

"I guess I'll say goodnight." Four gave me a nod and left me.

I followed a minute later and headed for my room. My palms sweated and my heart began to pound as I walked past the door, trying to move silently as I passed Ricki's door, then several of the other existing Dauntless, and turned the corner at the end. I paused outside the first door I came to there, then tapped on it before I could change my mind. It opened in a second, as if he'd been standing at the other side of it, waiting for me. He didn't say anything, just waited for me to walk in, before closing and locking the door. I swallowed nervously, unsure what I wanted to do. One thing came to mind—the moment on the roof.

Four watched me, a half smile on his face, leaving me to decide what happened next. Seconds passed with us staring at each other, my pulse getting faster as I imagined it and didn't do it. Then I reached out with both hands, gripped the front of the leather waistcoat he was wearing, and spun him around so his back was to the door. I pressed my lips to his roughly, the way he had earlier. His eyes closed, and his lips parted to admit my tongue. His fingers dug into my sides, the way they had in my Sim, and his tongue fought with mine for control of the kiss. I groaned and moved closer, so I rested against him. I gave up thinking, and simply felt.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eric finds himself out of his depth in Four's bedroom, but realises Four's tendency to talk too much can be helpful.

We kissed until we couldn't breathe, and it wasn't cringy at all. I ran my hands over his upper body, under the waistcoat, feeling hard muscle, his skin growing damp with sweat, and his heart thundering in his chest. He wasn't soft and gentle like Steven—he knew what he wanted and took it, the pair of us fighting for dominance and neither winning. My dick swelled and became uncomfortable trapped in my leather pants. Four's jean-covered erection rubbed against my hip. I didn't notice him unfasten my shirt, but suddenly he pushed it off my shoulders and touched skin. I pulled my tongue out of his mouth to breathe, and found myself smiling against his lips.

"What's so funny?" he panted.

"Nothing." I chuckled.

Four grinned and pushed me away a little so he could peel himself off the wall. He shed the waistcoat and dropped it on the floor. "What do you want, Eric?"

I broke the eye contact and looked down as I finished removing my shirt. "Take the rest off," I said roughly.

He bent to unfasten his boots, then unzipped his jeans and shoved them down along with his underwear. His dick slapped against his belly, hard and leaking.

"Shit," I muttered. My hands shook as I unfastened the leather pants, relieved to lessen the pressure. I stooped and fumbled with my boots, while Four rid himself of the bunch of clothes around his ankles. Then he turned away from me and went to lie on his bed. He sprawled out on his back, hands behind his head, and watched me. I almost turned my back. His hungry stare was disconcerting, and my nerves began to get the better of me. I tightened my muscles in an effort to stop trembling, and kicked off the last item of clothing, leaving everything in a pile by the door. My dick was at half-mast by the time I joined him on the bed.

Four rested a hand on my chest. "You're shaking. You sure this is what you want?"

"Fuck off!" I growled, annoyed with myself. "I know what I want." I didn't actually have a clue. Although Steven hadn't been my type, the sex had been easy. He wanted me to fuck him and that seemed like the right way to do things, so I did it. Four was my equal, physically, and in attitude. So, how would it work? What did he want? I couldn't really imagine putting my dick in him, and I was too scared and embarrassed to think about the alternative, which I'd dreamed of, and woken up when my dick shot its load on my sheets. I panted for breath, my chest tight.

"Eric." Four slid his hand up to my neck. "Calm down. We're not fucking tonight. I just want to fool around and get off."

I realised I was close to panic—somewhere I'd never been before. It made me feel weak and ridiculous. I pulled away from him and sat up. I wasn't even hard anymore. Four sat up too, and rested his hand on my back. I clenched my fists and willed myself to calm down. What the hell was wrong with me? "Sorry," I grunted, mortified.

"Stop it. I know what you're thinking, and you're just winding yourself up more. It doesn't matter. It's supposed to be fun. None of this needs to be a big deal. Don't be angry with yourself for being nervous. I've been there, too."

"Right. When were you nervous about sex?"

"When I was seventeen. I was so worried about getting caught, I couldn't get it up. Then I beat myself up about it so much, I had even less chance of doing anything. We had to forget it and go back to it another time. I was too embarrassed to face him for days."

I huffed out a laugh. He leaned closer and kissed my cheek. I turned my head so our lips met, and closed my eyes. I had to shake off these stupid feelings, because if I left now, I'd never want to face him again, never mind in a few days.

Four's tongue slid into my mouth, more tentative than rough. He put his arms around me, hands wandering all over my upper body, and suddenly I found myself lying on my back with him leaning over me. He stretched out, and his erection slid against my leg, leaving a wet smear on my skin. Immediately, my fears faded and I started to get hard again. I stopped thinking about what might or might not happen later or at some point in the future, and lived in the moment. Right now, he was kissing me as if he meant to suck the breath out of me, his hand stroking my stomach, annoyingly out of reach of my dick. I grabbed his wrist and pushed his hand down. He broke the kiss and chuckled. "That's more like it."

I still didn't know what he wanted, but he didn't give me any chance to worry about it. He began to work his way down my body, biting and licking, while he stroked my erection too lightly and slowly to do much other than frustrate me. I squirmed and writhed, one hand clenched into a fist around a handful of sheet, and the other gripping his shoulder. His tongue circled my navel, making me shiver. He let go of my dick and touched my thighs instead, the tips of his fingers dipping down to stroke the inside of one. I spread my legs apart to give him access to—whatever. My stomach fluttered with nervous excitement as his fingers explored, up and down my inner thigh, around my balls, which were already pulling up, behind them to the ridge there that made me gasp. He glanced up at me, just as I opened my eyes to look down.

"This okay?" He pressed his finger against me, just behind my balls.

"Yeah." I closed my eyes again and turned my head away. My face felt like it was on fire.

Four laughed a little, then silenced himself by taking the head of my dick in his mouth.

"Oh, fuck," I groaned. I'd never had a blow job before. I hadn't really done all that much with Steven. We hugged and kissed a bit, jerked each other off, and I fucked him. That was it. Four's mouth was all warm wet suction, sliding up and down my shaft, while his fingers continued to explore between my legs. Gradually, he was making his way farther back, and my mind began to work overtime again. I hated to admit it. I still cringed to the point where I imagined my face was bright enough to light up the room. But I imagined him on top of me, sliding his dick inside me.

I came, flooding his mouth so suddenly, he pulled off, choking. I snorted and opened my eyes, as he wiped his mouth and bent again to lick up the mess.

"Either that was your first time, or you're really out of practise," I teased.

"Fuck off." He licked his lips. "You went off like a fucking rocket in seconds. What the hell were you thinking about?" Smirking, he moved back up the bed to lie beside me.

"Nothing. Your mouth's like a fucking vacuum cleaner."

Four laughed. "Didn't Steven suck you?"

"No."

"Okay, you're excused." He grasped himself, and the back of his hand bumped my leg as he started stroking. "Hell, I'm aching."

"Leave it alone." I turned to face him and pushed his hand off. "I'm not using my mouth, though." Maybe one day I would, but right now I didn't want to try tasting him and find out I didn't like it. I'd ruined things enough for one evening.

"I don't care." Four closed his eyes with a groan, as I curled a fist around his dick, and cupped his balls in the other hand. They were lightly furred, while the rest of his pubic hair was neatly trimmed, the same way I kept mine. I hadn't noticed anything that other time we jerked off. I'd been too caught up in the moment. He bucked his hips, pushing himself impatiently into my hand. I increased my speed and tightened my grip. He didn't last much longer than I had. After I wiped my hands on the bed, he edged closer and slid his arm around me.

I hesitated, not sure what to do next. I would have been on my feet getting my clothes on by now if I'd been in bed with Steven. I should probably do that and get back to my own room, but I couldn't make myself move. Instead, I relaxed and rested my arm around him, too.

"Oh, you don't mind being cuddly now, then." He grinned.

"Fuck you," I said softly.

"You okay?" he asked then.

"Sure, why wouldn't I be?"

"Because you—"

"Go on, say it. Freaked out like a fucking idiot."

"That doesn't make you an idiot. I'm nervous about this too, if it makes you feel any better."

"Why?"

"Because I don't know what you want. We are the same kind of guy, and I don't have any experience of this. With guys like Joe, it's easy. I'm guessing the same was the case with Steven. If you want the same as with him, then that's okay. I can do that. I haven't before, but it's not something I ruled out."

"Damnit, you talk too much," I muttered.

"Better to talk about it now, when we're not doing anything. Then we'll know, right?"

"You're talking like this is going to end up being, um, something."

"Isn't it?" His eyes snapped open and met mine.

"Fuck. I don't know. Yeah. Probably." I drew away and sat up. I should get back to my room. I'd had enough of the deep and meaningful, although I supposed he was right. It was better to iron out what we wanted from each other when we weren't getting into it, like we had been earlier. I got up and started putting my clothes on.

Four stayed where he was, watching me. "Just think about it, okay?" he said softly. "I don't want to mess this up by not knowing."

I ignored him, fighting to get my leather pants up over warm, sweaty skin. I knew now what I wanted, but the thought of saying it made me wish the floor would open up and swallow me. Four didn't say anything else. Finally, I was dressed. I finished fastening my boots and unlocked the door. I supposed I could say it now, when I could escape in a second and not have to look at him. Facing him tomorrow would be awkward, but I wouldn't have any alone time with him. We'd be heading to the Erudite building with the initiates for their final test.

I opened the door a crack and peeked out to make sure no one was around. The corridor was empty. I closed the door again and remained facing it. "I want you to fuck me."

"What?"

The bed creaked and I imagined Four had sat up in surprise. "You heard." I yanked open the door, shot through it, and closed it harder than I intended. Everyone in the other rooms would have been disturbed. The hell with them. I hurried back to my room, my face hot.

I locked my door, stripped off, and got in the shower. "Fuck," I growled. "Why the fuck did I say that?" I scrubbed myself vigorously, trying not to think, but it was impossible to stop my mind working overtime.

What if Four didn't want that? I scowled up at the cascading water until it stung my eyes. Of course he did. He probably only thought of that scenario until he offered to take it from me, even though he hadn't before. At least he knew where I stood so there wouldn't be any future awkwardness in that regard. Just awkwardness when we actually did it. I turned the water off and rubbed my hands over my face. Did I really want that? His dick in my arse?

Mine rose again, despite having shot its load so recently, and I huffed out a breath. I guess I did, if the thought of it made me hard in a second, even though I still found the picture in my head so embarrassing. I wondered if other guys felt like this, and argued with themselves so much. Who'd have thought sex could be so complicated? Maybe it was just me. I hadn't had the best introduction to it. A few uncomfortable episodes with a guy who wasn't what I wanted. My family's condemnation and disgust. Six years of refusing to let myself think about it; denying myself even the simple pleasure of jerking off, because I was scared I'd think about getting fucked by some guy like Four, and then I'd be exactly what my father had called me the last time he saw me.

"Fuck him," I muttered, and grabbed a towel. My father was a bigoted arsehole, just like Marcus Eaton. Just because he was my father, didn't make him right. There was nothing wrong with me. I refused to let my fucked up past ruin this. Maybe I'd be embarrassed when I saw Four in the morning, but what the hell. He understood. He was the only person I trusted, and as much as I might be cringing about what I told him, I knew he'd be as cool and relaxed about it as if I'd told him I wanted a beer.

I tossed the damp towel into a corner and went to bed. I scoffed at Four for talking too much, but my mind was the same. It talked too much, but finally I'd come to the conclusion that things would be okay, and I shouldn't get myself so worked up about what didn't matter.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The initiates go through their final test, and Eric comes face to face with his father for the first time in 6 years

The next morning at breakfast, I sat beside Four rather than opposite him, then I didn't have to look at him. He said a quick "hey" in greeting but didn't look at me either. Then he talked to Tris who sat the other side of him. I relaxed, and minutes later we were interrupted by Max appearing on the balcony with instructions on being ready to leave for Erudite in an hour. All the initiates would be required, along with Ricki, Four, and myself.

"This is it," Peter said, grinning confidently. "I'm gonna smash this."

"I'll smash your head if you don't shut up," Christina said under her breath.

"Tried that, remember. Don't think you could quite manage it." Peter chuckled.

"Leave her alone," Will put in.

I rolled my eyes. Typical initiate talk. I remembered similar banter with Four all those years ago. I'd goaded him at breakfast just like this, hoping to get him so wound up, he'd fuck up on his final test and I'd get the top spot. Of course that didn't work. He was too cool to let it bother him. I couldn't help nudging him with my elbow to get him to look at me, despite having not wanted him to so far.

He glanced sideways and grinned. "They sound like we used to."

"Yeah, that's what I was thinking."

"You barely ate any breakfast. You were too busy trying to piss me off, so I'd mess up. Didn't work, did it?"

"No, and I was fucking starving by the time we got to Erudite."

Four laughed. "Served you right."

"Hell, the two rivals are talking to each other," Peter said under his breath.

I stared at him. "Yeah, I'm in a good mood, thinking about how many of you we'll be getting rid of after today. Don't be too cocky, boy. Many have fallen at the final hurdle."

"That won't be me."

"We'll see, won't we?"

I heard Tris giggle. "I might knock you off the top spot yet, Peter."

"I doubt it. You'll always be a Stiff."

"Four finished top and he was a Stiff," she responded. "You're like Eric. He didn't win, did he?" She glanced past Four at me and made a face, as if she thought she could get away with taunting me now we were in the "secret Divergent club." I let it go. We had more important things to worry about.

An hour later, we took the train into the centre of the city and walked the rest of the way to the Erudite building. I led the way in, eager to see if Emily was around. I didn't see her, and Tris's brother Caleb greeted us and invited us to follow him to the vast testing room. The Erudite testing had been undertaken the previous day, and Caleb had obviously passed. Tris joined him and the rest of us walked behind in twos.

We filed into the room, and Four told the initiates to stand at one side in a group. Then he joined Ricki and me a few yards away from them. Moments later, Jeanine entered, with Emily and another girl behind her.

Jeanine welcomed the initiates and explained what would happen during the final test. Then the first one was invited to take the chair in the middle of the room. Their serum was administered, and as they slipped into their Sim, the huge screen suspended from the ceiling lit up to show what the initiate was seeing.

An hour later, five had passed and two failed. Peter was next, not looking quite so cocky as he took the chair, but he came out of it to a round of applause as it was announced he passed. His smug expression instantly returned. Christina was next, then Will. They both passed, too. The next one failed, then Molly passed.

"Tris Prior," Jeanine called out.

"You got this," Four said, as she made her way to the chair.

Tris's fears were flocks of large birds, fire, drowning, hurting her family, and being overpowered by a man. The man in her Sim was some random guy—not a Dauntless—who obviously wanted more than she was keen to give. She rammed her knee into his balls and elbowed him in the face. This was the last fear in her Sim, and she came out of it to cheering and clapping as Jeanine announced she had passed. She'd even fired a gun at the hologram of her family with only a brief hesitation.

"Well done," I said, as she passed me to rejoin Christina.

"Thanks, Eric."

"What's with him?" Christina asked her. "He's never this nice."

"I'm sure he's planning something unpleasant for us later," Tris told her.

I smirked. "How many more?" I asked Four.

He glanced at the group. "We're not halfway yet. It didn't seem to take this long when we were doing it. There are more of them than last year."

The next couple of hours crawled by, with some passing and some failing. Eventually, the final list of passes was called out in reverse order, until Jeanine paused before reading out the top three. Tris, Peter, and Molly were the three still waiting to hear their positions.

"In third place—Molly," Jeanine read.

"I won. You'll see," Peter told Tris smugly.

I wasn't so sure. Peter hesitated a moment too long before he shot his brother in the Sim.

"Second place—" Jeanine dragged it out a few more seconds. "Peter."

"Damnit." Peter clenched his fists and scowled.

"And the winner this year, is Tris Prior."

"Yes!" Tris beamed. Christina and Will both hugged her, then she came over to us and Four hugged her.

After a brief speech, Jeanine wished the new Dauntless good luck, and announced that Emily would show us out. She led the group out of the building, then waited until everyone else had wandered far enough away, leaving only Four and me on the steps outside the door.

"I got it," I said quietly, meaning her note.

She nodded. "Is he—?" She glanced at Four.

"Yes. There's another one. The blonde girl there." I indicated Tris who waited at the bottom of the steps. "It'll be okay. Four, this is my sister, Emily," I added.

Four nodded, and Emily gave him a brief smile. "If Jeanine doesn't get her way, she won't let me go." She gnawed at her lip.

"Don't worry, we got this. Whatever happens, I'll get you out somehow," I said in a low voice.

"Emily!"

She and I both jumped at the sound of our father's voice. He stood in the doorway with a face like thunder.

"Dad, I was just—"

"Get back inside," he snapped. "You will not talk to him. He turned his back on us, remember?"

Emily shrank back into the building and disappeared. My temper rose. This bastard had gone on to treat Emily like that for six years since I left, and he wouldn't even utter my name.

"You." He pointed at me. "Get out of here."

"You don't have the authority to tell me where to go," I said steadily. "I'm a leader, and I've been here every year for the tests. If you have a problem with me, you should talk to Jeanine about it."

"Get away from here. You're scum. Is he the same?" He shot a disgusted look at Four.

I clenched my fists, my heart hammering. I was back in that moment when he found out what I was and told me I was no longer part of the family, then ordered me to leave Erudite. But I wasn't eighteen anymore. I wasn't scared and ashamed anymore, either. I didn't even glance around to check if any other Dauntless were watching before I reached for Four's hand and gripped it tightly. He gave mine a reassuring squeeze.

"There's your answer," I said through my teeth. "There's nothing wrong with us. You're just a bigoted, twisted man, who's full of hatred. You're turning your daughter against you, too. You should watch that. You'll end up alone when you're old and helpless. Goodbye—Dad." I started down the steps, still holding Four's hand. Tris was smiling at us, while two or three of the new Dauntless who hadn't already disappeared with Ricki, were staring with their mouths open.

Tris came to my side and tucked her hand through my arm, and the three of us kept walking. Christina and Will continued to gape at us.

"What?" I growled. "Wanna take a picture?"

"I, um, I didn't know," Christina stammered.

"Well, you do now," Four said calmly. He gave my hand another squeeze, then let go. "You all right?"

"Yeah. I might regret this tomorrow when they're all talking about it but fuck them."

"If any of them says anything, they'll have me to deal with," Tris said, still hanging onto my arm. "You were awesome. Your father is an arsehole, if you don't mind me saying."

I laughed and the huge weight that had rested on my shoulders for six years, lifted. "I don't mind at all."

Tris left us and joined Christina and Will. Suddenly, an awful thought occurred to me, and I stopped. Four halted and faced me. "What?"

"I'm sorry," I groaned. "I outed you, too. I never even thought about it."

"I don't care." He smiled. "I told you I wasn't bothered about it, and only kept it to myself because it's nobody's business but mine. They'll gossip and we'll probably be a source of fascination for a day and a half. Then tomorrow night they'll have other things to think about. Just don't let any of them bait you. There are bound to be a few haters."

I nodded. "None of them can be worse than my dad. Thanks."

We caught the others up. Molly didn't waste any time commenting once we'd got on the train. "So, you two are a thing?" She glanced from Four to me and back again.

"It looks like it, doesn't it?" Four answered.

"That's cool. My dad is gay."

"Your dad? How can your dad be gay?" Christina's eyes widened.

"He and his partner used a surrogate to have me. His partner was killed by Factionless before I was born, and he brought me up on his own."

"Hell, is everyone suddenly bent around here?" Peter sneered. "I thought I'd escaped from that when I left Erudite, and that girl, Caleb. Oh, I forgot. He's your brother, Tris. Hey, does that mean all Stiffs are queers?" He glared at Four as he finished the sentence. "Guess I'd better keep my back to the wall in future."

My temper got the better of me, and in a quick move I had him by the throat, lifting him enough so that he was up on his toes. "Any more talk like that, and you'll have a hell of a lot more to worry about than a sore arse," I growled. "Keep your bigoted shit to yourself." I dropped him, leaving him panting and clutching his neck.

"You bastard," he gasped when he could speak.

I grinned. "That's me."

Four and Tris sniggered. I looked at them and realised that even if there wasn't anything between Four and me, he could be my friend, and her too. I'd never had friends. I'd always been too much of a loner, and too unapproachable. I didn't mind the idea at all.

When we arrived back at Dauntless and jumped onto the top of the building, I looked over the edge and saw a truck at the rear entrance, unloading boxes of something. A few of the older Dauntless carried them into the building.

Four joined me and looked down. "You think that's the serum?" he asked in a low voice.

"I'd bet on it."

We followed the others and waited until everyone had jumped down into the net before we followed. Everyone headed for the dining room for the feast that had been prepared. A lot of people were whispering and casting surreptitious glances at me, and Four too. It was obvious what was being said, and I started to sweat. Before I had the chance to decide whether to go to the table or slip away to my room, Max appeared.

"I want to have a word with you." He walked away, leaving me to follow. He didn't take me to his office, only to a quiet corner.

"What's up?" I tried to look curious, as if I had no idea.

"Is it true? You and Four."

"News sure travels fast around here," I grumbled, certain the heat in my face was giving me away. "Go on—do your worst."

"It sounds like you're imagining the worst." He cleared his throat. "I have no interest in your personal life, Eric. It's entirely your own business. When I told you to make an effort to get along with Four, I didn't expect you to take it quite so literally, but if that works, fine. So long as it doesn't affect your work here, I don't care. Do let me know if you get any trouble from the others. I'm sure there will be a few who have something to say."

"Yeah, Peter for one. I'm sure I can handle it."

"Good. You're ready for tomorrow?"

I nodded.

"The supplies have arrived," Max added.

"I saw."

"Okay. Go and enjoy the meal, and the celebrations later. Tomorrow, I'll be overseeing the administration process."

"I thought you might." I gave him another nod and went to join the others at the table. Four and Tris had left an empty place between them, and I took it.

"What did he want?" Four asked.

"He picked up on the gossip. He doesn't care, so long as we can do our jobs."

"I told you he wouldn't care. Here." Four speared a slab of steak from the dish near him and dropped it on my plate. "Better make the most of this," he added in a low voice.

"Yeah." I helped myself to one of the bottles of beer in the middle of the table. After tonight, there was a possibility that our life in Dauntless would change, and not necessarily for the better.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eric realises he is starting to have feelings for Four, although he's not quite sure how to handle it yet

After the meal, the new Dauntless headed out to celebrate with some of the older ones. Those who failed had already left the building, having crept away before the meal started to join the Factionless, or make their way on their own. Tris asked Four and me to go out her, but we sent her off with her friends.

"Not going out?" Ricki asked later. She'd been up to her room to get changed, while we stayed at the table having another beer.

"Not tonight." Four shook his head.

Ricki laughed. "Better things to do, huh? You know, there will be a lot of broken hearts here amongst the girls."

"Why?" I frowned.

"Because you two are off the market for good, doofus." She laughed some more. "Hook up with a girl, and there's a chance you might break up and be free again. Get a guy? The girlies lose all hope."

"Get lost," I muttered.

"Hell, Eric, you have gone soft. Not even a "fuck you." It must be love." She backed away. "Enjoy. I'm out of here."

I rolled my eyes and drained the last few mouthfuls from my bottle. "I don't know which is worse—being called fucking queer or being assumed to be in some great romance."

Four smirked. "Just ignore them. Let them think what they like."

"Yeah." I got up from the table. "I'm gonna take a shower." I didn't look at him as I walked away. What I said hadn't been an invite, but I kind of hoped he would join me. Hardly anyone else was around now, and it was probably the last chance we would get before everything went to hell, but I didn't want to be as obvious as asking him to go with me.

My heart pounded as I jogged up the stairs, and when I reached my room, I wiped sweaty palms on my legs before I unlocked the door. I didn't lock it again when I got inside, but took my time taking off my clothes, wondering what the hell was keeping him. Perhaps he wasn't going to bother.

Eventually, I gave up waiting and got in the shower. Now I'd started having hot showers, I relished them. As the scalding needles fell on my shoulders, I placed my palms on the wall and leaned forward, letting the water hit the back of my neck and run down my spine. I closed my eyes and rolled my head around, imagining the hard spray was fingers massaging the tension out of me.

I didn't hear him come in. Four could move silently when he wanted to, and my usual alertness was gone as I sank into a daydream where he joined me in the shower. He'd shed his clothes in my room, slip under the water behind me, and press his body against mine. He rested his hand on my hip, gripping firmly to hold me still as he leaned in and pressed his mouth to my neck under the water. His erection brushed against my arse, and he slid his other arm around me and grasped my dick.

I opened my eyes and looked down. It was real. His hand was stroking me, slow and teasing, and the fingers of his other hand gripped my flesh close to my new tattoo. He moved a little and his dick slid along the crack of my arse. I shifted my feet apart and arched my back.

"Thought you weren't coming," I grunted.

Four chuckled. "I could make a really cheesy pun out of that. I didn't want to make it too obvious by following you right away." He pressed his knee between my legs and nudged them farther apart. I shivered when I felt his dick slide into the gap between my thighs and rub against me. He kept stroking me and ran his other hand up my body from my hip to my chest and began caressing my pecs.

I felt myself coming apart, like a hologram in a Sim, shattering into little pieces. I took one hand off the wall and caught his hand, holding it still in the middle of my chest. He would probably feel my heart pounding as if it were about to burst. He let go of my dick, wrapped his arm around my instead, and pressed his body harder against my back. His teeth nipped my neck, and he kissed his way along my jaw to the corner of my mouth. "You okay?"

"Yeah." I cleared my throat, trying to pull myself together. "Just don't—"

He nuzzled my ear.

"—Don't stop."

He took his hands off me and turned off the water. "Come to bed with me." He moved away from me and found a towel.

We scrubbed ourselves dry quickly, left the wet towels on the floor, and went to my bed. No one had ever been in it other than me in four years since I became a leader and was allocated this room. I expected my nerves would kick in again, like they had that other time, but they didn't. I wanted his hands on me, his mouth on me, and his body against mine. As I lay down and he crawled up the bed towards me, I grabbed him and pulled him onto me. His weight pressed me into the mattress, and I felt every inch of him on me, all muscle and lean flesh, like my own build. We fitted together perfectly—chest to chest, thigh to thigh, our dicks against each other. I slid my thighs apart, so his legs rested between them, and wrapped my arms around him.

I'd never felt the need for anything like this. For that moment it wasn't even about sex. I simply wanted to know I had him, and that nothing could spoil it. Four seemed to know exactly what I wanted. He didn't move or speak, other than to shift slightly to get comfortable, slide his arms under and around me, and tuck his face down into my neck. His breathing matched mine, and I felt the thud of his heart vibrating in my own chest. Maybe Ricki was right—I was going soft.

I didn't want to move, but my dick began to protest about being pressed up against his without getting any friction. I turned my head and bit his ear, while I ran my hands down his back and squeezed the firm globes of his arse. He lifted his head and met my eyes. Then he closed his and kissed me. It started off rough, the way we'd kissed before. Our lips became crushed against our teeth, and when he drove his tongue into my mouth, I responded by doing the same. We fought against each other, growing more aroused, until suddenly things slowed down. His lips caressed mine slowly, and his tongue teased and explored. It was softer and deeper, and it made me feel the same way I felt in the shower—like I was breaking apart. I wanted it, but I didn't want it. I pushed at him and turned my face aside. He got it, just like he always got it. He smiled, and reached for something, then lifted up a little and slipped his hand between us.

Cool slickness coated my erection, and he began to stroke us together, slow and even. His hand slithered over my shaft and his own, moving easily and feeling so much better than a dry palm.

"What—?" I gasped.

"It's lube. I had some in my pocket. Put it on the bed when I got undressed."

"Feel's amazing." I pushed my hips up, trying to drive myself harder into his hand.

Four pulled himself up a little, bracing his knees between mine. When he began to move again, he rolled his hips as if he were fucking me, pushing his dick through his fist against mine with rapid thrusts. I moved with him, not surprised by how fast my balls drew up. I couldn't seem to last with him, whatever we did.

"God, you feel good," Four panted. "Want you so fucking much."

I pulled my knees up either side of him and bucked up against him. So close. "Four, I'm gonna—"

"Fuck!" His fluid spurted across my abs and chest, seconds before I added my own mess to it. He slowed his hand, stroking more gently until we finished. Then he lowered himself onto me again, smearing come between us. I rested my hands on his lower back, finding his skin wet with sweat, like mine. My fingers brushed across a rough line, which was probably barely noticeable to the eye, with the huge tattoo on his back covering it, but I could feel it. I traced the line for a couple of inches before it ended, then stilled my hand.

"Sorry," I whispered.

"It's okay." He rolled off me but stayed close, facing me with his arms around me. "It was from Marcus's belt. The buckle end."

"Shit." I winced as if I'd felt it.

"I think I told you it started when I was ten. He whipped me with the leather end for years, but when I was fifteen, I did something that apparently deserved a worse punishment. I probably disrespected him in some way. I forget. He hit me three times. I bit through my lip trying not to scream. It split my skin open in the three places. The wounds got infected and I was in agony for weeks. He was nicer to me for a while. I think he felt guilty if he was capable of it." He shivered.

"That must have been hell." I moved my hand away from the scars and squeezed his shoulder. The muscle was hard and tense, and I massaged it until he relaxed again.

"I never told anybody about that before." He smiled a little.

"You never took anyone in your Sim before either," I remembered.

"No. Nobody else would have reacted like you did."

I grinned, remembering the satisfaction I felt when I slammed Marcus Eaton to the floor. "I hope I get the chance to do that in real life one day."

"Getting all protective?" Four teased.

I laughed. "Fuck off."

"It works both ways," he said more seriously. "Whatever this is, between you and me—it means I have your back. Always."

"Yeah." I shook off the discomfort that threatened to creep in. "There is something."

"Go on."

"Emily. We don't know what's going to happen after we're all shot with that serum. We know it won't affect us, but anything could happen during the takeover. If something happens to me, I want you to get Emily out. She's Divergent too, and she wants to be Dauntless, or at least out of Erudite, away from my dad. If it comes to it and you have to leave here, take her with you."

"Shit, Eric." Four pulled me tighter against him. "I promise. I'll take care of her. But nothing's going to happen to you. I'm not thinking about that."

I didn't want to think about anything happening to him either. Or at least, I didn't want to think about how I'd react if something happened to him. Things were getting remarkably intense, considering how rapidly this had progressed between us. I didn't like relying on someone, but at the same time, I kind of liked how it made me feel. It was new and confusing, and not me, but I knew he wouldn't let me down. I tightened my grip on him, and we lay there in a tangle of limbs, clinging to each other.

Eventually, Four pulled away and smiled. "I think we should clean up."

I snorted and sat up. "Yeah. Another shower?"

We shared the shower, but this time only to get clean. Afterwards, I dried off and got in the bed under the sheet. I expected Four to leave, and it seemed that was the case as he started putting his clothes on. I hadn't considered spending the night with him, but as I watched him pulling on his pants, I wondered about it. What would it be like sleeping so close to another person, and waking up together? Would it be too intimate for me to handle?

Four pulled on his shirt. He didn't say anything, and I wondered what he was thinking. Was he considering the same thing I was, but not wanting to say so? We could be as bad as each other. Sometimes he would talk way too much about stuff I'd rather not discuss, and other times, he was as silent as the grave when I really wanted him to open his fat mouth and say what I couldn't make myself say. This seemed to be one of those times. I knew he was thinking about it. He kept glancing at me in the bed while he was putting his socks on. He shoved his foot into a boot and bent to fasten it.

I licked my lips. He wasn't going to say anything. Damn him. "Four."

"What?" He didn't look up.

"Stay."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" He straightened up and stared at me.

Shit. Why the hell did I say that? Now he'd probably think I was turning into a pussy.

"You watched me put all my fucking clothes on, and now you tell me to stay?" He shook his head, laughing, and pulled off his shirt again. "I might quite like you now, but you're still a dick."

I laughed and waited for him to take everything off and come back to bed. He lay on his back beside me, his arm lightly touching mine.

"You know, you could have invited yourself," I pointed out.

"I'm not gonna do that until I know I won't get "fuck off" in response. If anything is going to come of this, it had better go at your pace."

Once again, he proved he was what I needed. I just wasn't sure how to respond to that. "I want you," I muttered awkwardly. "That's all I got right now."

"That's all I want to know." He leaned over and kissed my cheek. "Goodnight, Eric."


	12. Chapter 12

When I opened my eyes, I wasn't sure if I was dreaming, or in a Sim, or if this was reality. I lay on my side, my face half-buried in the pillow. A heavy arm rested around my waist, and Four's heart thudded evenly against the back of my shoulder. Every inch of him was pressed up against me. I became aware of warm breath on my neck, his erection against my arse, his other arm, stretched out under my neck with his hand curled into a loose fist. I closed my eyes. It felt so fucking good, I didn't want to move. I was hard too, but it was because I needed a piss, and eventually I had to pull away from him and get out of bed.

I returned from the bathroom to find Four lying on his back with his hands behind his head, smiling. "Morning."

"Hey." I got back in the bed, wondering what would happen next. I'd never done any of this—falling asleep with someone, then waking up and wondering how to act.

"Give me a minute." He got up and went to the bathroom, took a piss with the door open, washed his hands, and rinsed out his mouth with my mouthwash. Then he came back to the bed and got in it. "It's still early. Do you want me to stay for a while?"

"Yeah."

"I don't think anyone will be in a hurry to get up today."

I leaned over him, and after only a brief hesitation, brought our lips together. He lifted a hand to my neck and kissed me back, driving his tongue into my mouth. I let him, not caring one bit that I was giving up control. It felt good, and my dick certainly liked it. I pulled back when Four's stubble began to scrape my face. I grinned and rubbed my jaw. We both needed a shave, and I didn't want to turn up for breakfast with grazed skin.

Four laughed. "See what I meant the other day?"

"I can think of better things to do than kiss anyway." I slipped my hand under the sheet and stroked down his body. His stomach muscles jumped under my touch, and the head of his dick bumped my wrist. When I wrapped my hand around it, he smiled and closed his eyes.

I paused to throw the sheet off the bed, then began jerking him off. I took my time, teasing him with too-light touches, often abandoning his erection to caress and tug at his balls, or drag my short blunt nails along his thighs. His breathing quickened, and he squirmed and shivered, swearing every now and then, and clenching his fists at his sides.

I followed my hand with my eyes, taking in every detail of him. I wanted to taste but was still hesitant to do it in case I hated it, or gagged, but eventually I realised this may be the only chance I got. None of us knew what would happen later. We might only be Jeanine's soldiers, ensuring she got what she wanted and got rid of the Abnegation council members. But I doubted that would be the case. We intended to try to keep Tris's parents alive, and Four may want to get his father out, too. The guy was an arsehole and after what he did to Four, I wanted to shoot him myself, but it wasn't my call. Four would have to decide his fate if it came to it.

Jeanine wasn't going to like that, which meant she wouldn't let Emily go, and we'd end up having to either storm Erudite to get her, or sneak in and snatch her. Max was in league with Jeanine, too, which could mean we wouldn't have a home to come back to.

All this went through my mind, while Four writhed under my hands, oblivious. I stopped stalling and bent to lick the head of his dick. I circled it with my tongue, then looked up at him. His eyes were wide, staring back at me.

"Are you sure you want to do that?"

"I wouldn't do it if I wasn't, would I? I'll probably be shit at it."

"You won't." He closed his eyes again. "Your mouth on me will be amazing, whatever you do with it."

I smirked, and gently bit him just below the crown. "Even if I do this?"

"You wouldn't hurt me." He didn't even open his eyes again.

"You're awfully sure of yourself. It's not so long ago we were acting like we hated each other. What if I were to take this opportunity to pay you back for beating me all those years ago?"

"Stop talking, Eric. Damn it."

I snorted. "Now you know how I feel." I licked him again, this time tracing the thick vein on the underside of his erection, all the way down to the base and back up.

"Fuck!"

"Never been licked before?" I teased.

"Yeah, but this is you doing it. That's fucking amazing."

"Shut up." I guided the head into my mouth and tentatively sucked on it. He tasted salty, a little sour but not bad. I could get used to it. I started stroking him again, licking and sucking at the same time, while Four fidgeted and swore, his chest heaving as his breathing quickened more. I stopped when his balls pulled up, and jerked him off for the last few seconds until he came all over his chest.

He opened his eyes, grinning. "Are you sure that was your first time?"

"Fuck off."

He got up to clean the mess off himself. I sprawled against the pillows while I waited, impatiently stroking myself.

"Hey. That's mine. Leave it alone." He came back to the bed and knelt on the mattress by my feet.

When he pushed my legs open and moved between them, I cringed a little and closed my eyes. I felt too exposed with him down there, probably able to see everything. I rested my arm across my eyes so I could hide behind it and tried not to think about what he was looking at it, especially when he pushed my knees up. Discomfort warred with arousal, and I shifted awkwardly. What the hell was he doing, anyway? I imagined him grabbing the lube to coat his dick and driving it into me. I took my arm off my face and stared at him.

"Relax." He ran his hands up the insides of my thighs, then back to my knees. "I'm just gonna suck you, that's all."

I laughed, sounding breathless and squeaky. I was in no doubt of what I wanted—eventually—but right now, it was too soon. I closed my eyes again and ignored my hot face. My anxiety quickly faded as I felt his mouth on me, teasing the inside of my thigh, while his hands explored—my legs, my stomach, my chest—everywhere except the part that ached for it the most.

"Come on, Four," I huffed out impatiently.

"Demanding, aren't you?" He paused another long moment, then slid his mouth down my length until I hit the back of his throat. Five minutes later, he crawled up my body, laughing at how fast I blew.

I grinned. "You still beat me."

"I always do," he said smugly. "What did you mean when you said we were acting like we hated each other? You saying you didn't hate me?"

"You caught that, huh?" I rolled my eyes. "I don't know. I was just pissed at your most of the time, because you're fucking better than me at everything."

Four smiled. "You were only jealous. And all this time, I thought you hated my guts."

"Like you cared."

"I'd have rather got along with you. You've always gone out of your way to get under my skin."

"And I got more irritated because it didn't seem to bother you much." I pushed him off me.

"Like I said, I'd rather have got along with you. I thought we were alike in some ways. But you were more of an arsehole." He touched my bicep, then trailed his fingers over the tattoos covering my forearm. 

"I hope you realise I like you now."

"Hell, Four, don't get all mushy, for fuck's sake," I muttered, embarrassed.

"If this shit goes wrong later, who knows what'll happen? You asked me to take care of Emily if anything happens to you. So, think about this. If anything happens to you, at least you'll die knowing I cared about you, just a tiny bit." He held up a finger and thumb about a quarter inch apart to emphasise.

"That much?" I grinned, despite the creeping discomfort that I wished I could get over. I wished I could tell him I felt something for him too, but the thought of doing that made me feel queasy. My father had a lot to answer for. I had no doubt I was screwed up over this sort or stuff because of the way he made us scoff at affection, and eventually rejected me.

"Don't worry, I'm not asking you to confess undying lack of hatred." Four took his hand off my arm and punched me instead. "I'm gonna go back to my room and get a shower and change of clothes. Catch you later."

I watched him get dressed, running through the conversation in my head. He cared about me. I wasn't so oblivious that I didn't realise he meant more than a tiny bit. It had only been a few days since things changed between us, and I could barely remember how that had happened. Max made me out myself via my Sim, knowing that Four had two things in common with me—being gay, and having an evil bastard of a father. And suddenly we were talking—him a lot more than me.

"See you." Four shot me a grin and disappeared out of the door, leaving me to my thoughts.

I didn't drag myself out of bed until noon, then I stayed in the shower until the water ran cold, and finally made it down to the dining room in time to grab some leftovers before the remains were taken away. Most people had already left the table, and there was no sign or Four and Tris. Instead, I was treated to the distant mutter of Peter, Edward, and a couple of others, about the "fucking faggot." As tempted as I was to walk over there and smash their heads into the table, the last thing I wanted was to get into a skirmish right before the takeover. I knew I could take four teenagers easily, but I didn't want to pick up any minor injuries that may hinder me later. I tuned them out and ate my cold pasta.

When I finished eating, Max summoned me to his office. The administration of the serum was to be undertaken in the training room immediately after dinner that night. Once done, everyone would troop off to their beds and await the call, which would come in the early hours of the morning.

"What call?" I frowned.

"Jeanine will activate the serum, and everyone will wake. They'll get dressed, collect weapons from the store below roof level, and get on the train for Abnegation. After that, further instructions will be sent."  
I nodded. "So, she's operating us all like drones."

"It will protect against the risk of any insurgence."

I smiled. "You know how I like control."

Max smiled back a little, then straightened his face. "I will be there too, of course, to ensure everything goes as it should."

"Sure. I don't see there being any problems, though."

"There's always the risk of mistakes being made, no matter how sure we are." He frowned. "Everyone will spend the afternoon in the training room. I want to see everyone there within five minutes."

When he dismissed me, I hurried out to look for Four. I had to warn him and Tris that the serum would automatically wake everyone, but when I found them, they were already in the training room with many others, having been summoned by the buzzer. Shit. I couldn't think of any other way to speak to Four discreetly, other than by causing more gossip. I went over to him, where he was talking to Tris, Christina, and Will.

"Hey." I grinned and put my hands on his shoulders. "I want to talk to you." I hoped it sounded in some way sexy, as I steered him backwards away from the others.

"What are you—?" He put his hands on my ribcage.

I pressed my lips to his ear. "Sorry about this. I wanted to get you alone."

"Can't you wait? Seriously, Eric, practically every Dauntless is watching us."

"Play along." I pushed him against the wall, mercifully at least partly out of sight in the shadow of a pillar.

He slid his arms around me and kissed my neck. "You know we're never gonna hear the end of this," he whispered.

"I know. Max told me the serum will be activated in the early hours of the morning to wake everyone. So, we need to make sure we get up when everyone else does. You need to find a way to tell Tris, but at least she's in the communal area, so the others should disturb her. We're gonna be kept down here for the rest of the day, so there are no "mistakes," he said."

"Shit," Four muttered, cupping my face in his hand. "I'll figure out a way to tell her." He glanced sideways. "I see Max coming down. I suppose you'd better kiss me to make this look less suspicious."

"Hell, the things I have to do." I pressed my lips to his.

A loud, "Oooh!" went up from a bunch of girls.

"Fucking fags," Peter said loudly.

"Go to hell, you bigoted moron!" Tris responded.

Four stepped away from me. "Great, Eric," he said, clearly enough for those close by to hear. "Leave it until we're alone next time." He went to Tris, grinning all over his face. "Honestly," he said more quietly. "Considering he hated me a week ago, suddenly he can't keep his hands off." Then he ducked his head, whispered a few words, and straightened up, laughing. Tris laughed too and gave him a shove. To anyone watching, they were just joking about the great gay affair of Dauntless.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Dauntless zombies attack Abnegation. Can Eric, Four, and Tris escape detection, or will everything go wrong?

As Max surveyed the room, he shot me a look that said I'd gone too far. I smirked and hung my head, hoping I'd gone red enough to be convincing. He rolled his eyes and announced to the group that the afternoon would be spent training, or relaxing as we liked. He made his presence known for the next few hours, wandering around watching sparring and knife-throwing, chatting to people now and again. I didn't see him looking at Four or me anymore than he looked at anyone else.

The hours crawled by, and eventually we were summoned to the dining room for dinner. Once it was over, Max caught my attention, and indicated the training room with his thumb. This was it. I squeezed Four's knee under the table, and got up to follow Max.

"They'll come through here in a line," he told me. "You will stand there." He pointed to a spot between two stacks of boxes containing the serum. "There are two serum guns, just in case of any issues with one of them. Are you armed?"

"Uh, I have my knife."

"You'll need a gun." He unlocked a cupboard, took out a handgun, and loaded it. When he passed it to me, I tucked it into the back of my pants under my waistcoat and waited for him to tell me more. Did he think some of the group might protest about the serum and try to overpower me?

"Jeanine suspects there may be Divergents here, so there are additional instructions. The serum won't affect them, and it's likely to be obvious. They'll act differently after it's administered. If this happens, you will kill them."

My breath caught in my throat. "Does she know who?"

"No. But like I said, they'll be obvious. I'll be watching, to ensure no one it missed."

"Okay. Good." I nodded agreement and hoped Four and Tris were good actors.

It started fifteen minutes later. Max ordered everyone into a line, and they began to troop in, young and older, Dauntless of the last ten years ready to fight for Jeanine and not knowing what they were getting themselves into. The first one approached me—Molly. I pushed her hair off her neck and shot the serum into her, then watched as her eyes glazed over and she turned to walk out, shuffling slowly as if she were sleepwalking.

After the first dozen were done, and the line of zombies was gliding out of the door, the next one was already questioning what was happening. "What's in that shit? Why are they acting like that?"

"Shut your mouth," I growled at him. "It's just to help you focus."

Max glared at me. I stopped talking and gripped the young guy's shoulder.

"Ow! Fuck!" he exclaimed after I administered the serum. He stumbled away, rubbing his neck and swearing. "What the hell are they doing to us?"

"Eric." Max raised an eyebrow at me. I pulled out my gun. I supposed this was kind of like Four's third fear—killing an innocent. It wasn't something that had ever bothered me but faced with shooting an unsuspecting Dauntless in the back in front of everyone else, when most of them hadn't gone under the serum yet, pulled at my conscience.

"Eric, what are you doing?" Ricki was next in line, staring at me in shock as I aimed the gun. I ignored her, steeled myself, and pulled the trigger. The guy fell, dead before he hit the ground. A cry of shock went up from the crowd lining up in front of me, while those leaving, continued walking away without turning a hair. "Oh my God, Eric! Why did you do that?" Ricki gasped.

"Shut up." I stuck the gun back in my pants, loaded another shot of serum, and grabbed her neck. I shot it into her before she could say anything else, and mercifully her eyes glazed over before she walked away, submissive and oblivious.

Maybe twenty more passed before Tris and Christina came up in the line. Both looked anxious as they approached me. Christina was first, and she drifted away afterwards, clearly out of it. Tris met my eyes and stood silently, waiting, as I slid another capsule of serum into the gun. When it was done, her eyes slid out of focus and looked through me. Then she turned mechanically and shuffled after Christina, arms hanging limply at her sides. One down.

I could see Four farther back down the line, gazing around curiously and somewhat worriedly, the same way everyone else was as they came towards me. My next victim was Edward, one of Peter's friends. Edward had finished in the top five and had been an excellent student, but after I administered the serum and he glared at me, it was clear it wasn't affecting him. Trying to act it out, he shrugged and wandered after Tris, but he turned his head from one side to the other, looking at the crowd. Shit. I didn't want to kill him, but rules were rules. I pulled my other gun before Max could prompt me, and fired. Edward fell immediately, and a gasp went up from the line approaching me. Tris, only feet in front of Edward, didn't even flinch.

There were no more. Gradually the line shortened and Four approached. I kept meeting his gaze when I had the chance, and he gave me the occasional little smile. Eventually, he stood in front of me and glanced from me to Max and back again. "Aren't you gonna tell me what we're doing here?"

I tensed, but I supposed it would have been strange if he hadn't asked. We were close, and Max would think Four trusted him.

"Eric hasn't told you?" Max raised an eyebrow. "Shame on him. And you two together and all."

"Well, he said it's to make us focus." Four shrugged one shoulder.

"Then he did tell you. Get on, Eric, or do you want me to do it?"

I shook my head, as I placed my hand on Four's neck and stroked his jaw with my thumb. I brought the gun up to the other side below his ear and pulled the trigger. His eyes rolled up a little and his jaw went slack. I released him, and he turned slowly to shuffle away. My racing heart settled a little as I waited for the next person in line.

Eventually, they were all done. One more obvious Divergent had been killed, and Max and I took the three bodies down to the incinerator, before he supervised me taking my own shot. I let my hand drop to my side afterwards, fingers loosening on the gun. Max caught it before it fell to the ground and stared right into my face. I looked through him, unmoving, then turned and walked away. I took care to drag my feet as if they were too heavy to pick up, and let my arms hang at my sides rather than swing them or put my hands in my pockets. I didn't look around me, but merely walked out and began to climb the stairs. From the corner of my eye, I saw Max begin to stack the empty serum boxes out of the way.

The corridor upstairs was empty and silent. I walked straight past my door and went to Four's which thankfully was unlocked. I slipped inside and locked it. He was sitting on the bed waiting for me. "Are you okay?"

"I didn't like killing those three guys. Fair enough if it was in a fight, but shooting them in the back, just for being like us?" I shuddered.

"Did Max suspect anything with you?"

"No. He looked right into my face, too."

"Good. We'll get a wake-up call when it happens." Four indicated his watch. "I set up the emergency call on Tris's watch. When they start moving around down there, all she has to do is press one button, and mine will beep."

"How'd you manage to do that without anyone noticing?"

"Christina and Will did notice." Four grinned. "Tris just said it wasn't working right and asked me to look at it."

"Okay."

"We may as well relax for a while. We've got hours yet."

"Yeah." I bent to remove my boots, then started undressing. Four did the same. We slid into bed naked, but this time there was no eagerness to get our hands on each other. My dick didn't even twitch when Four rested against me with his hand on my chest. We were both too tense. He was soft, too; I felt it against my leg.

I covered his hand with mine and stared at the ceiling. I'd never felt less relaxed in my life. In a few hours, there was a chance one or both of us could die. I'd shot three innocent guys simply for being Divergent. Four and I, and Tris too, could easily be caught if we didn't do what the serum directed. Any number of things could go wrong, and somehow, I had to ensure Emily was safe, too.

"It'll be okay," Four murmured.

"Don't be so cocky. It might not."

"I'm not being cocky. I'm confident, that's all. Everyone else, other than Max, will be under. They won't notice what we're doing."

"But Jeanine will. You know the equipment she's got at Erudite. I'll bet you anything all the cameras in Abnegation will have their feeds broadcast onto her screens. One of us puts one foot out of line, and she'll have us killed."

"She's got to catch us first. Come on, Eric. We're Dauntless and you're Erudite too. That makes us the toughest and the smartest out of everyone around us. Why are you so worried about this?"

"Because I don't want to lose you!" I blurted. "Or Emily," I added uncomfortably, cursing my stupid tongue. How did that happen? How did I get to want him so much?

Four grinned. "So, you do care about me a little, then?"

"Shut up."

"We'll be okay." He kissed my cheek. "And don't worry about Emily. She's smart, too and Jeanine has no reason to hurt her. The worst that can happen is that she'll be stuck there for a while longer until we can get her out. Right now, we just have to worry about ourselves and Tris, and her family."

"What about your family?"

"You mean my father?" Four frowned. "I hate the bastard. All the years of hell he put me through. He doesn't deserve my mercy. But my Abnegation won't let me kill him. I'm not going to put myself or you in danger for him, but if I can get him out, I will."

"That's fair enough." I thought he would do that. Four could be too nice for his own good, but why should he suffer his own conscience if he could do something about it? He didn't have to live with his father again, so long as neither of them died.

We stopped talking and rested together. We dozed for a while, but didn't sleep properly, as we waited for Four's watch to beep to alert us. He checked the time every so often, and eventually just after three, a single beep came from the watch.

"Here we go." He sat up quickly. "Let's go."

We dressed, quickly took turns in the bathroom, then opened the door. Zombies trooped quietly along the corridor and down the stairs. We slipped out of the room and joined them, copying their movements. None of them looked at us, as we all headed to the training room. The younger Dauntless who still shared the communal sleeping area were all there, standing silently in rows. A few minutes passed, and suddenly they all began to move, heading for the rear of the building where they each collected an automatic handgun from boxes by the door, then climbing up to the platform to wait for the night train.

On the train, everyone stood silently facing forwards. Max was at the front of the carriage looking at us, his gaze drifting over everyone as if he were checking us. When the train approached the outskirts of Abnegation's area of the city, everyone began jumping out. Four and I moved with the crowd, jumped out, rolled, and got to our feet in fluid movements. Then we walked, army-like, in pairs, towards the housing area. It was light now, and most people would be in their houses either still in bed or going about their morning rituals.

Pairs of soldiers broke away from the line and began entering the houses. Distant sounds of shouting and screaming reached my ears. A few gunshots brought forth more screams. Abnegation were being slaughtered. It hadn't been Jeanine's intention to pick off Marcus Eaton and the Priors, but to kill them all. Fuck. I carefully moved away from Four and walked with Molly who was nearest to me. I followed her as she went to a house, shot the door lock off, and went inside. A glance out of the window showed me Max was nowhere in sight. I ducked out again and found Four.

"Where's your house?"

"Right there. Leave this to me," he replied in a low voice. "Go with Tris. Her house is down the end of the street."

I walked away. Tris was thirty yards ahead of me, moving mechanically. As I followed her, a skirmish broke out at a house to my left. The occupants were armed and tried to defend themselves. One of the attacking Dauntless fell, and the other killed the two Abnegation. I gathered up the fallen weapons and hurried after Tris. A quick glance around told me Max wasn't watching, but I expected Jeanine would be.

I caught up to Tris as she reached her door. "Where's Four?" she asked, as she charged inside.

"Going for his dad."

"Mom! Dad!" Tris called out. She ran through the rooms, but they were empty. "They're not here. Shit!" She flew out of the back door and crashed into Will. He was alone, and he immediately pointed his gun at her.

"Will. Will, it's me. Wake up!" She waved her hand in his face, but his finger tightened on the trigger.

I fired, the bullet from my gun zipping past her ear so close, that her hair moved as if in a breeze. Will fell, a small entry wound in his forehead, while fragments of the back of his skull and brain parts splattered on the ground. Tris jumped back and bumped into my chest. I gripped her shoulder to steady her. "Find your parents," I told her.

We parted, and I turned left at the corner of the building. A crowd of Abnegation were now being herded down the street at gunpoint. I slipped around them and headed back to where I'd last seen Four, just in time to see him and Marcus Eaton come face to face with Max, and two armed men in blue suits—Erudite soldiers? I didn't even know they had those.

I watched in horror, as one of the gunmen took Four's weapon from him, then hit him on the back of the neck with it. Four crumpled to the ground, while Max handcuffed Marcus and jabbed him with his gun to make him walk ahead. The two Erudite grabbed Four by the wrists and began to drag him along the ground. I crept closer, calculating my chances of taking out Max and the other two, before one of them got me. But suddenly a vehicle appeared, and Marcus was ushered into it. Four's body was picked up and thrown in the back, and it drove away in the direction of Erudite.

"Fuck!" I snarled. I'd known something would go wrong, but I'd imagined one or both of us dying. At least Four was still alive. I just had to figure out a way to get both him and Emily out from under Jeanine's nose.

"Another one."

I froze as the barrel of a gun pressed up against the back of my neck.

"Cuff him."

"Can't we just kill him?" a second voice said.

"No. Jeanine wants them alive."

My gun was taken from me, and my wrists secured behind me. A glance over my shoulder told me I'd been captured by two more Erudite, and the knowledge infuriated me. I was better than this. I'd been distracted by what happened to Four and now I was paying for it.

Another vehicle pulled up, and I scrambled into the back of it, awkwardly stumbling without my hands. Then something hit me on the back of the neck, and I fell to the floor, sinking into blackness.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tris springs Eric out of the "cell" he wakes up, and the pair find Four the subject of Jeanine's latest experimental serum with Max's support

I opened my eyes to find myself in a small room with a glass wall showing a corridor beyond. The back of my neck throbbed where I'd been hit and I automatically rubbed it, quickly realising my hands were no longer secured behind my back. I pulled myself off the tiled floor and went to the glass to look out. I recognised this as being one of the upper floors in Erudite's headquarters. I hadn't been up here as a teenager, but the design was the same as all the floors above the main office areas. No one was in sight and when I tried the door, predictably it was locked. The room was empty of objects that I could have used to try to break the glass, and the knife I kept in my boot was gone.

"Fucking idiot," I muttered, meaning myself. My usual sense of what was going on around me had been marred by worry about Four. It wasn't his fault—it was mine. Getting myself caught up in whatever it was with him so I couldn't think straight. If I hadn't cared when I saw him unconscious and being thrown into that vehicle, all my senses would have been focused and the Erudite soldier would never have dropped me. I punched the glass wall, irritated to find it hurt just as much as punching stone, which I was used to.

I rubbed my knuckles and gazed around the room, immediately spotting the tiny camera in one corner of the ceiling. Other than that, the room was simply a box. I paced, trying to think of a way out of this predicament, while my fears about Four continued to make my stomach churn. Was he locked up like me, or were they doing something to him?

I checked my watch and noticed two hours had passed since we got off the train. What had happened to the others? The little zombies killing and herding Abnegation out of their homes. And what about Tris? Where was she?

I blinked, as my question was answered by the sudden appearance of Tris the other side of the glass, holding an Erudite guy of about her own age at gunpoint. They hadn't caught her, then. She looked agonised and her eyes were red, so something had obviously happened, but she had the steely determination of a Dauntless, to get through no matter what.

The Erudite guy keyed in a code to the side of the door and it slid open. I stepped out quickly, and Tris jabbed the young man in the back, directing him towards the stairs. He fled.

"We don't have much time. There are cameras everywhere," she said, and passed me a second gun she was carrying.

"I know that." I pointed at the ceiling. "How'd you get here?"

"I wasn't stupid enough to get caught." She raised an eyebrow. Her voice cracked a little as she spoke again. "My mother is dead."

"Shit, I'm sorry."

"My father got away. He came with me, but he's hiding outside the building. We need to find Four." She began to run along the corridor, and I kept pace.

"Where is he?"

"Two floors down. They're running experiments on him. You would have been next."

"What kind of experiments?"

"I'm not sure. That Erudite boy said something about a new serum that might work on Divergents."

We jogged down the stairs and turned a corner, coming face to face with two Erudite guards pointing guns at us. Tris ducked and fired in one fluid movement. I did the same, and the two men fell to the ground. We continued down the next set of stairs and met two more soldiers, whom we despatched quickly and stepped over.

"They're in there." Tris pointed at a door at the end of the corridor. She ran to the door and looked through the small window. "They've got him hooked up to some sort of monitor. He looks out of it."

I moved her out of the way and peered into the room. Four sat on a chair, a cuff around his bicep with a wire from it attached to a machine, and another wire stuck to the side of his head. He stared blankly ahead like a zombie. I tore my gaze away from him and examined as much of the room as I could see, spotting Jeanine and at least six soldiers. Then Max walked into view and spoke to Jeanine.

"Shit, Max is here," I muttered. "That bastard."

As I spoke, two soldiers approached the door. I stepped back and kicked it open. I fired and Tris followed suit, dropping both men. I sidled through the door and she followed, both of us keeping our backs to the wall as we surveyed the room and checked out the opposition. Four armed men had their guns trained on us, and Max pulled out his own gun. Jeanine ignored us and tapped a screen. Four suddenly rose from his chair, pulled the sensor and the cuff off, and walked towards me.

"Four." I met his eyes, but he looked through me. "Hey. Four. It's me."

Tris fired, and a soldier fell. I lifted my gun and aimed it past Four at the next man approaching, but before I could pull the trigger, Four stepped into my line of fire and reached out to me. He wasn't himself and was being directed by Jeanine, but I lowered the gun.

"Four. Come on, look at me," I said urgently.

The soldier turned his attention from us as a colleague joined him, and the pair took Tris's gun from her before she could shoot anymore of them. Four gripped my wrist and twisted, trying to make me drop my gun.

"Four!" I punched him lightly in the chest. "Wake up, for fuck's sake. It's me. Eric."

He continued to look through me and lifted his other hand. I blocked the punch and tried to free my hand from his grip, but my fingers had started to tingle. I dropped the gun and Four quickly fastened both hands around my neck.

"Stop," I whispered, as he began to squeeze and cut off my air supply. It was my instinct to ram my knee up into his balls or dig my fingers into his eyes, but I didn't want to hurt him, and doubted it would work. He wasn't even capable of thinking as himself. Instead, I slid my hands inside his waistcoat and ran them over his chest. I brought my knee up between his thighs and rubbed it against him. "Look at me," I gasped. My peripheral vision started to fade. He hesitated and his grip loosened. "Four," I wheezed, certain I was about to lose consciousness.

"It's okay," he whispered, moving his fingers off my throat. "I'm back."

I breathed in hard, trying not to choke and give myself away.

"Go limp. When I drop you on the floor, get your gun and mine. There's a pistol in my left boot. They didn't check me properly."

I struggled for another minute, clawing at Four's wrists, then let my hands fall to my sides and slumped in his grasp. He let go and I collapsed on the ground, one hand within inches of my gun. In a second, I grabbed it and pulled his pistol from his boot at the same time. I sucked in air and leapt to my feet.

What happened next was so fast, none of us had time to think. Four locked the door to prevent any more soldiers entering, and I disabled the two who were wrestling Tris into the chair Four had been sitting on. Four took out the last of them and held Max at gunpoint. Tris was already on her feet and had thrown her knife at Jeanine, pinning her hand to the touchscreen she was using to operate the Dauntless zombies. The screen showing the camera views from Abnegation pictured dozens of Stiffs on their knees, with Dauntless standing around them with guns, about to kill them all.

"Cancel the order!" Tris demanded.

Jeanine only smiled, despite the pain she was in from her impaled hand.

"Wait." I snatched up a serum gun and checked it was loaded. "Try this." I tossed the gun to Tris, and she fired the shot into Jeanine's neck. Immediately, the woman's eyes glazed over, and she awaited instruction.

I took the gun back and loaded another shot, which I administered to Max. Four lowered his gun, and we all watched as Jeanine cancelled the order to kill and deactivated the programme as Tris ordered. On the screen, the stunned-looking Dauntless soldiers lowered their weapons, and the Abnegation people began scrambling to their feet.

"Now let's get out of here." I went to unlock the door. "First, we need to find my sister."

"I want to find Caleb, too. Then we'll meet my dad outside."

"Marcus is around here somewhere," Four said. "We'd better get him out."

Tris led the way down more stairs towards the offices. We passed several Erudite guards on the way, but they all backed up with their hands in the air as we marched towards them with our guns at the ready. Four seemed a little unsteady on his feet, and when we reached the open office area, he paused and leaned on the wall.

"You okay?" I gripped his shoulder.

"Yeah." He shook his head. "Feel like I'm drugged. Jeanine has an experimental serum. She was trying it out to see if she could control the Divergents."

"It worked. You almost strangled me," I reminded him.

"Sorry."

"Guys. Save it for later," Tris interrupted. "Caleb!" She waved as a young man in blue pants and a white shirt came towards us.

"Beatrice!"

She afforded him a brief hug. "Four, Marcus is back upstairs where Eric was locked up."

"Right." Four pushed himself away from the wall and we trooped back up the stairs. Everything was taking too long, but Tris needed Caleb to open the door to the room Marcus was in. As it slid aside, he came out, glaring.

"What the hell is—?"

"One more word, and you can stay here." I jabbed him in the chest with my gun and he halted, clenching his fists.

"You! You dirty unnatural—!"

"Marcus!" Four bellowed. "I won't listen to your bigoted crap. I'm not a scared little kid anymore. If you want to get out of here rather than sit here waiting to die, shut your mouth and leave Eric and me alone."

Marcus fell silent, but his face told us exactly what he thought. Four pointed the way down the corridor, and Marcus began to jog along it. The rest of us followed. Only two more guards tried to stop us, one more determined than the other. Tris shot this one, shocking Caleb.

"Beatrice, was that really necessary?" he protested.

"Yes, it was necessary. You want to get out of here alive?"

I grinned to myself. Tris had turned out to be just as good a member of Dauntless as Four and I were. It almost seemed a shame that we would shortly leave them. We couldn't stay when our leader would kill us the moment our backs were turned.

As we raced down the stairs again, a few other Erudites appeared, apparently unaware of what was going on. Caleb paused to speak to them, while the rest of us ran down the stairs. He caught up a moment later.

"Caleb, do you know where Emily Coulter is?" Tris asked.

"She's not here today. Her parents kept her home."

"Shit," I muttered.

"Where's your house?" Four asked.

"It's too far. It'll take too long. We'll have to come back for her, or we could all get caught again." As hard as it was for me to leave Emily behind, right now I had no choice. I charged down the last few steps to the main door of the building and punched the pad beside it. The vast glass panel slid open and we all ran outside. Andrew Prior appeared suddenly from an alley and began to run with us.

"Where are we going?" Marcus panted as we headed down the street.

"Back to Dauntless," I answered. "We need to collect a few things. Then we're leaving."

"Where will we go?" Tris quickened her pace and jogged beside me.

"I don't know. We'll be Factionless. The three of us are known Divergents now, so—"

"You're Divergent?" Marcus gasped out, clearly not used to exercise.

"Yeah. What of it?" Four answered. "Hurry up. We have a train to catch."

Marcus and Andrew became a hindrance as we climbed up the steel columns to the platform above to wait for the train. Unfit and clumsy, they struggled to pull themselves up and had to be helped by Four and me. When we eventually reached the platform, the train was only seconds away.

"Run," Four said, prodding Marcus with a finger. Then he took off down the platform, closely followed by Tris and Caleb. I began to run, with the two older men following.

Caleb struggled to run fast enough, but made it, as did Andrew. Four stood at the open side of the car, watching as Marcus pounded after us, red-faced and puffing, not quite able to reach the handle beside the opening to pull himself up.

"Fuck it," Four muttered, and reached out to grab his father's arm. He hauled the man inside and dropped him on the floor, then turned towards me. "You all right?"

"Yeah."

Ignoring Tris's family and his own father, he stepped closer and slid his arms around me. I hugged him back. We didn't kiss—just held onto each other in relief that we were both still alive. Marcus cast a disgusted glance at us, but when I scowled at him over Four's shoulder, he turned the other way and ignored us.

"We'll take these somewhere safe, then go back for Emily," Four said.

"I'll go tonight. It'll be easier if they're at the house."

"We'll go tonight," Four corrected. "You don't have to do it on your own."

I knew he meant face my father, rather than anything else. I hugged him tighter. We were a team. For the first time in my life I wasn't alone, and it felt surprisingly good.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four, Eric, Tris, and Marcus leave the city after escaping from their hunters

"Get ready to jump." Tris pointed out of the opening towards the roofline zipping by outside the train.

"You're not serious." Caleb's eyes widened.

"Stay here if you want." I smirked as our building approached. I was the first out when we got close enough, taking a flying leap across the gap to the top of our building, rolling, and bouncing up onto my feet. The others followed in quick succession, Caleb with a shout of fear, and Marcus with a groan as he hit the deck and struggled, breathless, to his feet.

"Now what?" Andrew gazed around.

"Now we jump. Sorry, Dad." Tris smiled.

"Again?" Caleb smoothed down his smart Erudite clothes, which were now rumpled and dusty.

"This is the way in." Tris stepped up onto the wall and dropped out of sight.

"Oh my God. Aren't there stairs or something?" Caleb asked anyone who might answer.

"Come on, boy. Where's your sense of adventure?" I gestured at the wall. He leaned over and looked down. "No. No way."

"There's a net down there," Four said. "You'll be fine."

"I'll go." Andrew took his turn next, followed by Marcus.

Caleb reluctantly climbed up, hesitated, and eventually fell, screaming, to the net below. I glanced at Four and chuckled.

"Remember the first time we did this after we chose to come here?" He smiled and moved closer. "I was shitting myself. You went first, full of bravado, and I was thinking, "what a show-off." Then I thought I'd look like a pussy if I didn't go right away, so I jumped before anyone else had the chance to."

I snorted. "You nearly landed on top of me. I only just got off the net in time."

"We'd better get down there." He leaned in and brushed his lips across mine. "I just wanted the opportunity to do this, before we're stuck with them for the next few hours."

I kissed him back, then rested my forehead against his.

"I'm sorry we're stuck with Marcus." He sighed. "I couldn't let him get killed despite everything."

"I know that. Don't worry about it. The way he's going, he might not make the journey. Thought he was gonna have a heart attack just from running for the train."

Four smiled and pulled away. "He's gone downhill in the last six years. He never used to be so unfit." He took his turn jumping down into the net, and I waited a minute for him to get out of the way before I jumped. He pulled the edge of the net down for me, while the others waited a few feet away, watching.

"Now what?" Andrew asked.

"We need to get our stuff and more weapons," Tris said. "You all come with me. Four and Eric have to go to the upper levels."

Andrew, Marcus, and Caleb trooped after her as she headed for the communal sleeping area. Four and I went up to our rooms. We separated in the corridor and I opened my door. I grabbed a bag and shoved a few clothes into it, some things from the bathroom including my shaving kit, and the weapons I had hidden under my bed. What else was there? I didn't have much. Some people kept personal mementoes and pictures, but I didn't have any of that shit. I hadn't collected anything over the years since I joined Dauntless—nothing I wanted to keep, anyway.

I rejoined Four outside and we ran down the stairs to find the others. As we reached the communal sleeping area, a commotion coming from the training room made us turn and head that way. The barrels of our guns led the way, as we heard Tris yell something right before a shot was fired. Then she screamed. We skidded to a halt as one, and cautiously turned the corner. Max, Peter, and a couple of others held up Tris, Caleb, and Marcus. Our side's weapons were on the ground between the two groups. Andrew lay in front of them with blood pouring from his head.

"Fuck," Four muttered, as he levelled his gun at Max's head. "You ready?"

They hadn't seen us yet. "Yeah." I placed my bag on the ground and pulled out a second gun. I trained it on Peter and another young guy whose name was Uriah.

"Lower your weapons!" Four ordered.

All four guys turned to look at us, and in seconds Tris had Uriah's weapon in her hands, pointing at his forehead.

"Put them on the ground and back away," I instructed. The two of us advanced slowly.

"Fuck you," Peter muttered, and swung his weapon's aim from Marcus towards me. Before he had the chance to take aim, I pulled the trigger. Peter was a snake, the kind who would stab anybody in the back, regardless of which side he was on, in order to win. He crumpled to the ground, and his gun slid across the floor, landing near Marcus's feet.

"Pick it up," I told him. He hesitated, staring at the gun as if it might bite him. "Pick it up, you arsehole."

"Max, put the gun down," Four said.

I turned my attention to the other member of the group whose name I couldn't remember. His hand shook, and he lowered his gun, then stooped to place it on the ground.

"Marcus! Are you deaf?" I moved towards him. "Pick up the damn gun."

"You think I'll take orders from scum like you? I'm head of the council."

"And where's your council now, huh? You're on your own, Marcus. Either you walk out there and face whatever Jeanine has in store for you, or you do as you're told and come with us."

A sneer crept across Marcus's face, but he bent to pick up the gun. "All right. I picked it up. I'll never use it against anyone."

"Not even your son?" I said through my teeth. "Prefer a belt, do you?"

Marcus winced, but didn't respond. Four shot me a look, then turned his attention back to Max. "Either put down the gun, or I'll shoot it out of your hand."

"And what do you propose to do then? Putting yourself up for leader, are you?" Max lowered his gun, put didn't release his grip on it. "You turned it down twice, remember."

"I changed my mind. We're leaving."

Max grinned. "You two are the best Dauntless we've ever had, and you're giving it all up to be Factionless?"

"Looks that way, doesn't it? Everyone knows what we are now." I scowled at him.

"I knew there was something different about you, Eric. I couldn't put my finger on it. You're too smart for your own good. Four—you hid it better. And Tris—"

"What does he mean?" Caleb whispered.

"He means we're Divergent," Tris said calmly.

Caleb gasped. "But they'll kill you."

"They don't seem to be very successful with that so far, do they?" She grinned. "Are we going?"

"Go," Max said. "I won't stop you. But Jeanine will come after you."

"Good luck to her." I put away one gun and picked up my bag. Four led the way out of the back of the building, followed by Tris, Caleb, and Marcus. I brought up the rear, walking sideways so I could keep my gaze on Max and the others to ensure they didn't try to take us out. They stood motionless, watching, until we turned a corner.

"Where are we going?" Marcus asked. "I have no intention of joining the Factionless."

"Then go back to Abnegation," Four said without a pause. "You know Jeanine planned to have you killed, right?"

"Fine. Fine. I guess I have no choice, do I?"

"Where are we going, exactly?" Caleb asked Tris. "I don't want to be on the run. I'm not cut out for this. I'm not like those thugs."

"You mean you're not like me? I'm one of them, Caleb," Tris said. "It's up to you. We've lost both Mom and Dad now. You're all I have left. But if you'd rather go back, I don't think Jeanine will do anything to you." She stopped walking and the rest of us halted behind her. "Look. If you're going to go back, you need to go back now. There are cameras in this part of the city. Jeanine will see you leave us, so she won't do anything to you to try to get information out of you. We could be anywhere. But if you get on the next train with us, she won't trust you if you go back later."

Caleb hesitated. I opened my mouth to say, "make your mind up," but shut it again.

"I'll go back," Caleb said eventually. "You're right. I'm not like you, Tris. I chose Erudite for a reason. I like it there."

"Fair enough."

"Your funeral," I muttered. Four elbowed me.

Tris and Caleb hugged each other, and moments later Caleb walked away. Tris brushed tears from her eyes and marched off in the opposite direction. "Which way?" she called over her shoulder.

The rest of us followed quickly. "Head north," Four told her.

"I thought I was the leader here?" I glanced at him and raised an eyebrow.

He grinned. "Got any suggestions?"

"Other than try to avoid getting killed by the Factionless?"

"My thoughts exactly. Why don't we share the responsibility?"

I nodded. We walked faster to keep up with Tris. Marcus lagged behind, puffing and stumbling.

"Tobias!" he called. "Wait!"

Four halted. "The name's Four."

"Give me a minute."

"We don't have a minute, Marcus."

"I have something I want to say to you."

I glanced at Four. "It's all right," he said. "Catch up to Tris."

I turned and walked away, quickening my pace more. Tris was fast on her feet and was clearly pounding out her emotion at the loss of her parents on the pavement.

"Hey." I caught up and walked alongside her.

She gave me a wan smile and slowed a little. "Where's Four?"

"Talking to Marcus. They'll catch up. You all right?"

"I will be. Thanks. Where are we going?"

"I don't know yet. Away from here. We need to find a safe place for the moment for you and Marcus. Four and I are going back tonight to get Emily."

"I could go with you."

I shook my head. "You've done enough. You proved your worth."

She smiled more. "Don't tell me I actually impressed you, Eric."

"You won today, didn't you? I thought Peter had it in the bag. You're still ready to fight now, even after everything that happened."

She nodded. "I would if I had to. Although resting up somewhere tonight sounds good."

Four and Marcus caught up then. I wondered what they'd been talking about but assumed Four would tell me later. We walked on until we came to a place where we could catch another train heading out of the city. Four glanced at me and nodded. A little while later we were on a supplies train heading north.

We sat down in the car, leaning against a stack of rolls of fabrics. Four sat beside me and rested his hand on my knee. I glanced at him in surprise, but he had his eyes closed. Marcus sat opposite us, keeping his expression neutral, but not looking directly at us. Again, I wondered what they'd said to each other. I closed my eyes too, risking a few minutes rest. I must have dozed off, because the next thing I knew, the cold barrel of a gun was pressed to my forehead. I looked up into the eyes of a dirty, raggedy young guy—a Factionless.

"Eric Coulter. Time to meet your maker." He smiled and pulled the trigger.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four meets someone from his past, and Emily is rescued from her parents.

Time stood still for the split second that passed before the hammer clicked on an empty chamber.

"Fuck!" The young guy flushed and took a step back, as Four sprang to his feet, raising his own gun. Rather than shoot the guy, who couldn't have been more than eighteen, Four hit him on the back of the neck with his gun's grip. Instantly, Tris and I leapt to our feet and pulled our guns. The boy fell to the ground as four more Factionless entered the car through the connecting door at the end. All were armed.

"Keith!" One of them approached the boy on the ground as he stirred and raised his head. "What the hell did you do, you idiot?"

"Tried shooting me with an empty gun." I snorted and waved my own gun in the general direction of the others. "Wanna try it?"

"Seems to me like you're outnumbered." A tattooed guy with a shaved head stepped in front of me, with his gun aimed. Three more scruffy soldiers filtered into the car behind him.

"Tobias," Marcus said anxiously from where he still sat on the floor.

Skinhead frowned. "Tobias?" He looked from me to Four and back again. "Tobias Eaton?"

"That's me," Four said. "I go by Four now. How do you know me?"

"I've heard the name." Skinhead relaxed and lowered his weapon. "I know someone who's looking for you. Stand down, boys."

The group of Factionless lowered their guns, too. Four and Tris did the same, but I didn't relax. I didn't trust the guy yet.

"My name's Luke," Skinhead offered.

Four nodded. "Eric. Tris," he said, indicating each of us. "And Marcus. My father."

Before any of us could react, one of Luke's minions took aim and fired, hitting Marcus in the chest. Tris and Four gasped. I swung my arm a little to the left, away from Luke, and put a bullet in the other guy's head. He dropped to the floor, his brains splattered over the side of the car. Immediately, the rest of the group had their guns trained on us again.

"I said stand down!" Luke bellowed. "Any of you fires again, I'll put a bullet in your head myself!"

Four backed away and went to Marcus, who was moaning and clutching his chest, blooding dribbling between his fingers.

"I apologise, Tobias. Four," Luke said. "Your father's reputation goes before him, and some of my men have an embarrassing lack of control." He turned and kicked the body of the dead Factionless, pushing it out of the open side of the car where it tumbled from view.

"You think an apology is all it takes?" I glared at him. My finger itched to pull the trigger again and see how many I could take out before they got me.

"You killed the man responsible. He wasn't acting on my orders," Luke said. He tucked his own gun into the back of his pants. "This would not have happened if I'd realised who you were from the beginning. Guys." He glanced over his shoulder. "Get out of here. Ben and Jay, stay with me."

Two Factionless put their guns away and remained, while the others left the car the way they had entered. Reluctantly, I lowered my gun but kept it in my hand. Tris went to help Four with Marcus.

"You the leader?" I grunted.

"I'm the leader of our army if you want to call it that. But I have someone I take orders from, just like everyone else. Yours is Max, right?"

"You know Max?"

"I was Dauntless once." Luke grimaced. "I chose to stay, but I made a mistake. Max isn't a good leader. He likes the power too much and doesn't care about his people. I left of my own accord about eight years ago."

"How old are you?" He didn't look older than me.

"Thirty-four. What are you all doing out here?"

"You haven't heard." I began to relax, and explained what Jeanine and Max had planned, and the ensuing chaos.

"So, you're their leader, then," Luke said when I finished. He offered me his hand. I hesitated before I shook it.

"Fuck," Four muttered, drawing our attention away from each other.

I looked down, where Marcus had slumped to one side, clearly dead. Tris wiped bloody hands on Marcus's shirt, and Four got to his feet and came to me.

"He's gone," he said.

"Again, I apologise," Luke told him.

Four shook his head. "If his reputation went before him, then you know the way he treated me. I hadn't forgiven him yet."

"What did he say to you earlier?" I asked.

"I'll tell you later. So, Luke. What happens now? You said someone's looking for me."

"And I understand you're looking for somewhere to lie low for a while. We have room for the three of you."

"There'll be four," I put in. "We're going back later for my sister. Our father is kind of like Marcus was."

"Then she'll be welcome," Luke replied. He still hadn't answered Four's question about who was looking for him. "Get ready, guys. We're almost there." He turned towards the open side of the train and a minute later, jumped out, followed by Ben and Jay. Four, Tris, and I all jumped and rolled.

We found ourselves in a deserted street lined by crumbling buildings covered in graffiti. All of Luke's soldiers formed a line in pairs and walked away, led by Ben and Jay. Luke walked with us more slowly. Within a few minutes, we reached an enormous building that looked like it may have been a hotel. Inside, the vast lobby with its dirty red and gold carpet and battered reception desk proved my guess had been right.

"Who are we here to see?" Four asked, as we were shown to a pair of double doors.

"You'll see." Luke opened the doors and halted. "I found him, Ma'am." He stepped aside and gestured to us to walk into the room beyond.

Four led the way into what looked like it had been a dining room. A single large table was positioned in the middle and a dark-haired woman with Four's angular jaw and brown eyes sat on a high-backed chair. The doors closed behind us as the woman got to her feet and smiled.

"Tobias. I've been looking for you for a long time."

"Who is she?" Tris whispered to me.

"His mother, at a guess," I whispered back.

Four approached the table. "Mother? How…? You… you're—"

"What did he tell you?" She frowned.

"That you were killed in a battle."

"Please. Sit down and introduce me to your friends. We have a lot to talk about."

"Uh—" Four shook himself. I tried to imagine how he was feeling, confronted with his mother whom he'd thought to be dead. He'd never talked about her, but I assumed we were going to find out what happened there. "This is, um, Eric and Tris," he said.

"It's good to meet you. My name is Evelyn." She smiled at each of us. "Please sit down. I'll have a meal brought in for us shortly."

We all sat at the table.

"Marcus isn't with you, is he?" Evelyn's smile disappeared and she glanced at the door.

"Of course not." Four frowned. "He's dead. Shot by one of your guys on the way here."

"Oh, good." She smirked a little. "I'm only disappointed he lasted this long."

"You left," Four said, his jaw stiffening. "You left me. I was eight years old!"

"You saw what he did to me. I couldn't take it anymore. I faked my own death."

"And what do you think he did to me when you were gone? It started when I was ten. He used his belt."

Evelyn lowered her head, grimacing. "I am so sorry, Tobias. I should have taken you with me, but I was young and frightened. I didn't know how to survive on my own, much less with a child."

"My name is Four."

She nodded. "Why did you choose that?"

"Four fears. Heights—when I was nine, he pushed me out of my bedroom window. Enclosed spaces—he locked me in the cellar, so he didn't have to look at me after he'd beaten me half to death. Killing an innocent—I brought a stray kitten home one day. He let me keep it, to teach me responsibility, he said. A few months later I did something to piss him off and he made me drown it in the kitchen sink. And then him. I always feared him." His voice cracked.

"Oh, fuck," I muttered.

Tris was sitting between us, and she reached out to take his hand. He held onto her and rubbed the other hand over his face. I wished I'd been in her place, but perhaps I shouldn't out him in front of his mother anyway. I clenched my fists under the table and tried not to look as if I wanted to kill someone. The man responsible was dead, but I'd have been happier if it had been at my own hand.

Evelyn was talking, but I didn't hear the words. My blood rushed in my ears as my temper rose, and I fought to keep it in check. I got to my feet. "Excuse me," I muttered, and slipped out of the room. None of them appeared to notice.

"Eric." Luke was still in the lobby. "Can I get you anything?"

I growled. "Your man did me a favour. If he hadn't killed Marcus, I would have and that may not have done me any good."

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing. He was an evil man, that's all."

"You drink whiskey?" Luke asked.

"Hell, yeah."

"Come with me. I have a sixty-year-old malt you might enjoy."

"How'd you come by that?"

"Gift from Evelyn." He led me through another door into a similar room to the one I'd left, only this one was furnished with easy chairs. A minute later, I had a large glass of whiskey in my hand, and the first gulp burned a silken path to my stomach. "Better?" Luke grinned.

"Yeah. Thanks."

We talked a little over the next hour, although we avoided the subject of Four. He told me about his time in Dauntless. I told him about mine in Erudite. After an hour, Ben came in and invited me to join Evelyn and the others for dinner. I returned to the other room, more relaxed.

"You all right?" I asked Four in a low voice as I sat down.

"Yeah. You?"

I nodded. We ate and drank wine. The meal was meat and potato stew, with more vegetables than meat, but it was good. By the end of it, all of us were stifling yawns. Evelyn called Luke in to show us some available rooms where we could sleep. Tris took the first one and bid us goodnight.

"You not sharing with her?" Luke asked Four, and waggled his eyebrows.

"Not right now. We're heading out again, to get Eric's sister." Four yawned.

"You're tired. I can go on my own," I said, trying not to yawn again myself.

"We're all tired. I'm going." Four headed for the door. "Let's do it."

"You want back-up?" Luke suggested.

"I couldn't ask you to get involved in this." I shook my head. "But thanks."

"You're in Factionless territory," Luke reminded me. "They don't all know who you are yet. I'll come with you to the boundary and wait for you."

"Okay. Thanks," I said again.

The three of us set off and caught the next supplies train heading back into the city. The car we climbed into contained six Factionless, who immediately aimed their weapons at us until they saw Luke. Then they quickly put the guns away and apologised.

"Good thing you came with us," Four told him. Luke grinned.

An hour later, we left Luke at Erudite's border and walked in, stealthily keeping close to the buildings in the darkness. It took fifteen minutes to reach my house, and no one stopped us, although I assumed some of the cameras we passed caught us, and it would only be a matter of time before Jeanine sent soldiers after us.

"How are we doing this?" Four whispered, as we stood in the shadows of the house wall.

"Easy. Her bedroom's around the back." The house was single storey, and I hoped we'd be able to get Emily out of the window without alerting our parents. I led the way around the corner, and to the back of the building. Emily's window was open a crack. I pulled it wider and cautiously drew the curtain aside. She was alone, sitting on her bed in the darkness. "Em!" I hissed.

She jumped and slid off the bed, her face lighting up. "Eric?"

"Get dressed," I whispered, noticing she wore pyjamas. I pulled the curtain back across the window and withdrew. I listened to the faint sounds of her moving around the room, and fabric rustling. In minutes, she drew the curtain back and passed me a bag. I gave it to Four and reached for her as she carefully put one leg over the sill and struggled through the opening. I lowered her to the ground and gave her a quick hug. "That was easier than I expected."

"Mother and Dad are asleep," Emily whispered. "Dad drank a lot and they went to bed early."

"Come with us." I took her hand and led her back along the street. Four followed with her bag, and a gun in his other hand. Unbelievably, no one stopped us—not my parents, and not Erudite soldiers. We stayed silent until we found Luke.

"So, this is Emily." Luke smiled at her. "Good to meet you, miss. I'm Luke."

"Hello," she said shyly.

"He's Factionless," I told her. "Four's mother is their leader. They have a place for us to stay for now. Tris is with us, too."

"Good, I liked her."

"Let's go. There's a train coming." Luke led the way towards the ground-level tracks. "How will we get Emily onto it?"

"I can do it myself," she said. As the train drew near, she began to run, leading the rest of us. Despite being chubby and somewhat unfit, she was fast on her feet, and easily got on the train.

"Wow." Luke grinned as we all settled into a car.

"Oh, you didn't think I could do it? I'm fat and awkward, right?" She grimaced.

"Oh, no! I didn't mean—" Luke flushed and stammered.

Emily laughed. "It's all right. I know I'm fat and awkward. Food has been my only pleasure in life for years. But I was going to choose Dauntless next year. I've been practising running whenever I get a chance. I'll soon get rid of this." She gestured at herself.

"You'll do great, Em," I told her, and yawned. When I glanced at Four where he sat in a corner, he was already asleep.

"Get some rest if you want," Luke told me. "I can keep an eye on things."

I glanced at Emily and back to him. Did he like the look of her? She was a kid, only seventeen. He was in his thirties. He raised an eyebrow and shook his head. I nodded. I guessed I could trust him. Odd for me. The only person I'd trusted in years was Four. Clearly, how things were with him had affected me.

I let my head fall back against the side of the car and closed my eyes. Best to grab some sleep while I had the chance.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eric and Four finally get some alone time to take things to the next level

When we arrived back at the Factionless headquarters, Luke showed us where the bathrooms were and left us alone. Emily took a few minutes to freshen up, while Four and I went into the men's bathrooms to use the facilities. We showered quickly, barely even glancing at each other. When we came out, Emily was waiting for us.

"We could really use some sleep," I told her. "There are some rooms upstairs."

Four led the way and took the room next to the one Tris was using. I tapped on Tris's door and a moment later she opened it. She wore a strappy top and shorts, her hair tousled from sleep.

"What do you want, Eric?" She rubbed a hand over her face.

"You've met Emily." I drew my sister into view.

"Emily!" Tris was immediately awake and smiling.

"Hi. Did we disturb you? I'm sorry." Emily smiled back.

"No, it's fine. Do you want to come in?"

"I was thinking Em could stay with you." I glanced into the room which included two large beds.

"Of course she can. Come on, Emily."

Emily stepped into the room. I moved forward, but Tris blocked my way. "We'll be fine, Eric. Go to bed." She closed the door in my face and locked it.

Grinning, I headed for the next room. Four was already in one of the beds, asleep, his clothes in a pile on the floor with his bag. I closed the door. The lock was broken, I noticed, but what the hell. I stripped and got into the bed beside Four. The mattress was soft and comfortable, and the sheets silky. However old this place was, the bedrooms were still in decent condition. I closed my eyes, and in minutes I was dead to the world.

I woke to the sound of Four's voice, talking quietly as if he were trying not to disturb me. I kept my eyes closed and my breathing even as I became aware of what was going on. I lay with my back to his chest, his arm around me, both of us facing the door. My face was mostly buried in the pillow, so whoever Four was talking to wouldn't see I had stirred.

"I thought there might have been something between you and Tris. She held your hand," Evelyn said softly.

"Because I was upset," Four said in a low voice. "Do you have a problem with it?"

"No. Did your father?"

"What do you think?"

"I'm sorry. Do you love him?"

"Um—" Four snorted a little. "It's heading that way."

My pulse quickened and my mouth went dry. Four loved me? Or was heading that way? What did that even mean? Nobody had ever loved me, nor I them. I'd never had the opportunity. I supposed I loved Emily, but she was my sister. What did I feel for Four? I couldn't put a name to it. I'd take a bullet for him, so I guess I cared for him. I wanted him to fuck me, but that didn't mean anything. It was just sex, right? How would I feel if he said he didn't want anything more to do with me, or if he died? My guts churned and my chest ached at the thought of losing him.

Their voices faded out as I tried to make sense of what we were to each other, while becoming uncomfortably aware that I was naked in bed with Four, while his mother stood a few feet away talking to him.  
"There's something I want to talk to you about, but it can wait. I'll leave you to get some more sleep. It's still early." Evelyn left the room and closed the door.

"You're awake, aren't you?" Four said in my ear.

"Uh… what?" I muttered and squirmed as if I were just waking.

"You're a shit actor, Eric." He laughed a little. "I know you're awake. My hand's over your heart. I can feel you breathing, and I can feel your pulse."

"Okay, you got me. I was uncomfortable getting caught in bed with you by your mother."

"I'm not. I was gonna tell her today anyway. I'm not keeping my distance from you while we're here. How much did you hear?"

"Not much. I was only half awake, and I was thinking about other stuff." That was at least mostly true.

"Okay. Well, I don't care what you heard. None of it was a secret." He backed up a little and rolled me onto my back. His erection nudged my leg. "We won't be disturbed again."

I had an awful vision of my sister bursting in and seeing my getting sucked or fucked or whatever he had in mind, and I pulled away from him. "Hold on." I sprang out of the bed and grabbed a chair from the corner of the room. I wedged it under the door handle and tried the door. No one was getting in now. I got back in the bed, my pulse quickening more.

"Hell, I've missed you." Four wrapped both arms around me and pulled me tight against him.

I chuckled. "I haven't been anywhere."

"It seems far too long since we were together like this."

"Only because a lot has happened since." I pushed him away a little so I could meet his eyes. "So, what do you want?" His dick was hard against mine, and everything we'd done so far raced through my head. But I wanted more. What if something else happened and one of us didn't make it? We might not get another chance. Was he thinking along the same lines? Would he say so? We were terrible at communicating—me more than him.

"I want you."

I rolled my eyes. "Answer the question."

"Tell me what you want, Eric."

I turned my face away. "Why are you putting it back on me?"

He didn't answer but slid his hand down my body and squeezed my arse.

"You're a jerk." I sighed and my face heated. "Remember what I said to you that day when I shot out of your room right after?"

"No. Do you want to remind me?"

I punched him in the side of the head, gently, and laughed. "Are you really gonna make me say it again?"

"You heard me say something a few minutes ago that I didn't expect to be saying or feeling."

\- - - - - - - - - - 

"Do you love him?"

"It's heading that way."

\- - - - - - - - - - 

"Yeah," I admitted. "All right. I want you to fuck me."

Four grinned. "That's what I wanted to hear." He slid away from me and reached for the pile of clothes on the floor. He retrieved lube from the pocket of his pants and returned to my side.

"Just remember I haven't done this before," I said, suddenly nervous. I hadn't taken much care when I'd been with Steven, and I knew I hurt him. He hadn't said anything, just grimaced and flinched.

"I know that." Four leaned over me and brushed his lips across mine. "I'm gonna take my time."

I expected him to kiss me more and stroke my dick before he went anywhere near my arse, but he opened the lube immediately and coated his fingers. Anxiety had already made my erection soften and I began to wonder if this would really work between us. A minute ago, I'd wanted it so much, but I hadn't really thought it through.

"Relax." Four smiled and guided my knee up to give him access. A cool slick finger stroked up my crack. The tip circled around my hole. It wasn't as if he hadn't touched me there before, but I clenched up. "Eric." His lips touched mine. "We don't have to do this right now."

"No, I want to. I just, um, my dick's not playing ball right now."

"Stop thinking so much. You'll relax more if you're not rock hard and dying to come."

"Stop fucking talking," I muttered, my face hot. How the hell did sex get to be so embarrassing?

"Still the same old Eric." Four grinned. "Turn over the other way."

I rolled over so my back faced him. Not having to look at him, I cringed less and concentrated on breathing slowly instead. Four went back to stroking me, and this time it felt good. I shivered and bit my tongue to suppress a whimper when his finger slid up inside me.

"Okay?" Four whispered.

"Uh huh."

He began to slowly fuck me with his finger, in and out, twisting and turning, gradually working deeper until he hit my prostate. My dick swelled again, and I stopped worrying about doing it and enjoyed what I was feeling. Four slid a second finger into me, and stretched me open, but it didn't really hurt. I arched my back, and everything intensified.

"Fuck!" I gasped.

Four chuckled, his breath warm in my ear. His dick slid against my thigh, leaving a wet smear on my skin. "You feel so fucking good," he murmured. "So tight and hot."

"Shut up."

He laughed again. "You don't like sexy talk?"

"I don't like any talk when I'm fucking."

"You don't like talking period." He kissed me ear and withdrew his fingers. "Just let me know if you're not into this at any point, and I'll stop."

I lay still, listening to the sound of the lube being opened again, and the wet sound of him stroking it onto his erection. Then the thick head of it pressed up against me, and I wondered how in the hell it would fit. I breathed out and tried not to tense up, as he slid past my tight ring of muscle. Then he held still and slid his arms around me. He pushed my hand off myself and curled his fist around me instead. Gradually, he slid in more, but the position didn't allow for him to get all the way in. Probably a good thing. I could just about take half of him, but it burned, and I felt uncomfortably full. He stroked me, keeping me hard, and gently rocking his hips, barely moving inside me. The discomfort lessened, and although it still stung a little, my arse began to enjoy it. I moved with him, alternately pushing my dick into his fist, and my arse back onto him. He picked up the pace and changed position, lifting himself above me and turning my hips down towards the mattress. He pulled his hand out from under me and braced it on the edge of the bed to keep his weight off me. His shaft slid a little deeper and nailed my prostrate.

"Oh, fuck," I groaned. My erection rubbed on the mattress with each thrust of his hips, and I didn't bother to replace his hand with mine. I could easily come like this, I realised, and everything clicked into place. This was what I had wanted for years, and never thought I would have. I'd never let myself think about it after my father caught me with Steven, because I hadn't wanted to be that disgusting thing he hated. He was wrong, and he'd caused me to suffer for years for it. Now I had what most people seemed to want, neither of which I'd had—affection and sex from the kind of man I'd let myself imagine on rare occasions.

My balls pulled up, and it was a combination of the sensations in both my arse and my dick, and the knowledge that Four felt so much for me. I groped for his hand where it rested on the bed and gripped it tight. "Four," I groaned. It sounded like a plea.

"I'm close," he gasped in my ear. "You want me to pull out?"

"No. Don't stop. Come in me." As I spoke, my orgasm crashed through me and I shot my load onto the sheet under me, and clenched harder around Four. He jerked inside me, then lay still, his weight slumping onto my back. His heart thundered against my shoulder, and he pressed his face into my neck, hot breath fanning my sweat-slick skin as he panted for breath. He softened and slipped out of me, leaving me wet and a little sore. He rolled back onto his side and wrapped both arms tightly around me. I pressed back against him and folded my arms over the top of his. My eyes stung, and I tried to tell myself sweat had rolled into them. I wanted to say something, but I couldn't find any words. For once, being shit at communicating was a curse. I uttered his name again, but it was all I could manage. Still, he seemed to get it.

"Eric," he murmured, and hugged me tighter. He stayed silent for several minutes as we caught our breath. Then he loosened his grip on me and kissed my shoulder. "That was intense."

"Yeah." I smiled and opened my eyes, my emotional moment passed.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four has a decision to make, and Eric begins to feel like a protective big brother over Emily

"I suppose we should get cleaned up and go downstairs." Four pulled away from me and sat up.

I turned onto my back and glanced at him. "Are you okay?"

"Sure, why wouldn't I be?"

"I mean, after Marcus."

He shrugged. "I just think it was a waste. Him being the way he was his whole life. Treating my mother like shit, and then me. Winding up alone. I know you wanted to kill him."

"Yeah. I hate that he hurt you. What did he say to you? You know, before we got on the train."

"Oh, um—" Four frowned. "He tried to make it right, but it was too little too late. He said he regretted some of the things he did when I was a kid. He wanted to make sure I grew up tough. He kind of apologised for it, but then excused it. And he said he couldn't accept me being "like that." He always imagined me getting married and having kids of my own. If he hadn't been killed, I wouldn't have had any more to do with him. He wouldn't have come here either. My mother wouldn't have wanted to see him, and if that guy hadn't shot him, one of the others probably would have. If my mother's talked about him to her army or whatever they are, which it seems like she has, he wouldn't have lasted long."

"His reputation went before him, the guy said," I remembered.

"Why'd you kill him, if you wanted Marcus dead anyway?"

"It was automatic. They shot one of ours, so I took out the guy responsible. And I wasn't sure if you'd made it up with him, so it was sort of for that as well."

Four nodded. "So, anyway. I'm okay. How would you feel if your father were killed?"

"I wouldn't give a shit. The only one I care anything about is Emily." I paused. "And you."

"Oh, I'm an afterthought?" he teased and punched me in the shoulder.

"Yeah, I mean, I thought I'd throw you in there. You don't matter that much, but hey. You're all I've got." I sat up, laughing. Four punched me again. I pummelled him in return and shoved him back down onto the mattress. Rather than fight back, he slid his arms around me and pulled me into a kiss.

It occurred to me again that I'd never had this; never even imagined I could have it. I stopped fooling around and kissed him back. There were no tongues, only lips, and it was gentle and deep, rather than heated. Unconsciously, I poured all of myself into it, and when I pulled back, Four looked up at me, wide-eyed.

"Better get that shower." I turned away and reached for my clothes. My heart pounded, and my hands shook a little as I got dressed. What the fuck was happening to me? I tried not to think about it as we made our way to the bathrooms and scrubbed ourselves under the tepid water, but I couldn't stop thinking about it. I was far too reliant on him. I felt like I couldn't do without him, and it scared the hell out of me.

Four finished shaving before me and left me to go and speak to his mother. I finished up in the bathroom, took my toiletries back upstairs, then went down to find food. I was starving.

"Hey." Luke greeted me as I reached the lobby.

"Hey. You seen my sister this morning?"

"Yeah, she's in there with Tris." He pointed at a door. "You missed breakfast, but there are leftovers in the main dining room if you want something." He indicated another room. "Help yourself."

"Thanks." I went to find Emily and Tris first. When I entered the room, I found them sparring. Emily was shiny faced, her clothes damp with sweat, as she practised some of the fight moves new Dauntless were taught in their first week. She had a look of grim determination on her face and continued even though she seemed exhausted. They stopped when they saw me.

"Eric." Emily smiled and wiped her arm across her face. "Or should I say lazy bones? I remember you never wanted to get up in the mornings."

I snorted. Back home, I'd never wanted to get up because I knew I'd have to face my father. Today—best not think about that anymore while I was with my sister. "So, how's training going?" I asked instead.

"She's a natural," Tris said. "Remember my first day? It seems ages ago. Is it really only weeks? I was weak and useless. Determined, but useless. Emily's strong, and she picks things up on the first try."

"Well done, sis."

"Thanks! Where's Four?"

"He went to find Evelyn."

"Are we staying here?"

"I don't know." I shrugged. "We hadn't planned that far ahead. It depends on Four. If he wants to stay and spend some time with his mother, then I guess we'll stay."

"Oh, good. I like it here." Emily smiled.

"You like it?" My eyebrows rose.

She flushed, then smiled more. "It's not home, and you're here. What's not to like?"

"I'm going to get something to eat." I backed away.

"We'll join you. We haven't eaten yet. We've been training for hours," Tris said.

The two girls followed me into the dining room. There were cold sausages and bacon left, bread and cheese, boiled eggs, and fruit. Considering this was Factionless, they seemed to eat well enough, and I wondered where they got it all from. Donations from Abnegation, probably.

I heaped a plate with bacon, sausage, eggs, and some bread and cheese. Tris did the same, but I noticed Emily nibbled a few grapes and a plum.

"Is that all you're having?" I frowned.

"I need to lose weight." She reddened and turned away.

"You need to eat—"

"Shut up, Eric." Tris frowned at me. "Emily, you're working out hard. You can eat plenty of protein and it's fine. Have this." She made up a plate of boiled eggs, lean bacon, and some cheese. "Trust me. You just burned off more than what is on this plate, but you can't function on fruit when you're training to be a warrior."

Emily took the plate without a word and began to eat. I relaxed and stuffed my face. Tris seemed to be a great role model for Emily. She was only a year older than my sister, and she'd been top of her class in Dauntless, despite being one of the weakest at the start, and having me being an arsehole to contend with.

Four came in a moment later. "I hope you've left some for me. I'm starving."

"There's some fruit left," Tris teased.

Four glanced at my plate. "You're a pig, Eric. You've got enough for two people."

I bit my tongue before I made a crack about needing the extra stamina. Four grabbed the last of the sausages and some bread and fruit. "I'm going back to talk to my mother some more after this and find out what she wanted to ask me. Just now, we were only catching up on the last few years."

When we finished eating, Four left us. Emily went to shower and change. Tris and I found a suitable area for target practise and did some knife-throwing. Eventually, we heard voices, and Emily and Luke appeared. She was looking up at him and laughing about something. I bristled and scowled. What could Luke possibly have to say that amused my sister so much? He was a rough, tattooed thug, and she was sweet and innocent, not to mention half his age.

"Put your hackles down, Eric, they're just talking," Tris said, as if she'd read my mind.

"Emily, come over here," I called out. "You should learn to throw a knife." I flipped mine so I held the tip of the blade and held it out to her.

"I'll leave you to it." Luke left us, much to my relief. Emily watched him retreat until he was out of sight. Damn it.

Tris demonstrated throwing her knife and nailed the centre of the target we'd been using. I stood back and watched rather than get involved. Emily tried numerous times, missing the target completely in the beginning, but she persevered, trying again and again until the knife began to land where she wanted it to. I wondered how she'd have got along in Dauntless. She certainly wouldn't be in the bottom section of the leader-board, worrying that she'd fail. What were her fears? She wouldn't be able to practise facing them with Sims like the rest of us had to, but perhaps we could talk about what they were at some stage and help her face them.

The knife-throwing practise went on for the rest of the morning, before Tris and Emily decided to stop and left me. I wandered around the building, checking things out, and ran into a number of wary Factionless. Four eventually came to find me and led me up to our room.

"What did she want?" I asked after he closed the door.

"She asked me to take over here as leader."

"Are you going to?" I frowned.

"I haven't decided. I told her I'd think about it. I've never wanted to be a leader, you know that. Besides, it's not just my decision, is it?"

"Isn't it?"

"Eric, anything I choose to do doesn't just affect me. It affects you, too. And also Tris and Emily now. If I do this, then I'll be staying here. Would you want that?"

I shrugged. "I haven't thought about it. We didn't make any plans other than leaving."

"So, take me out of it. If you have to decide what you're gonna do next, what would you choose?"

"What, you can't make a decision?" I raised an eyebrow.

"If I didn't have you, I could. But I do have you. If you don't want to stay here, I'll turn it down without thinking twice about it."

"My opinion's that important to you?" I didn't get it. No one had ever cared what I thought or wanted. I'd grown up feeling like I didn't matter, and Dauntless was no different. You followed the rules, and when you became leader, you made your own, but everyone went with your decisions only because you were leader, not because they cared one way or another.

"Yes, it is, Eric. We're together, aren't we? That means any big decision I make is gonna be based on what we both want, not just me. For all I know, you might want to take Emily away from here completely; to Amity, for example."

I snorted. "Amity? Really?"

"It was an example, that's all. If I choose to stay here and it's not what you want, either you'll hate it, or you'll leave. I don't want either of those things."

"I wouldn't leave," I muttered. "I wouldn't leave you."

Four grinned. "That's good news. Look, I told Evelyn I'd think about it. Like I said, I never wanted to be a leader, but that was in Dauntless. I'm not sure if this is any different, or even if I want to give it a try, but I guess I want some time to get to know my mother better."

"So, why don't we stay for a while then? I don't mind staying. There seems to be less danger here for Emily than in Erudite or Dauntless. Then you can get to know Evelyn, whether you decide to lead or not. You don't have to make a decision today, do you?"

"No. Okay, then. We'll stay. Hopefully Tris will be okay with that, and Emily certainly will because she's with you."

I frowned as I thought about Luke again.

"Is Emily okay?" Four asked.

"Yeah, she's been training with Tris. Sparring and knife-throwing. She's doing pretty well. I'm not sure about that Luke guy, though."

"What's he got to do with it?"

"I'm not sure. Em looks at him like the sun shines out of his arse. We don't know anything about him, other than he's a tattooed thug and a loser, twice her age."

Four grinned. "A tattooed thug? You mean like you?"

"Fuck off."

"Like you said, we don't know anything about the guy. Just because he's Factionless, doesn't make him a loser. He used to be Dauntless. We're Factionless too, now, aren't we?"

I shrugged. "He's in his thirties."

"So? Firstly, that doesn't make him off-limits. Age is just a number. Secondly, she's only been here a few hours. Just because she looks at a guy, or takes a shine to him, doesn't mean they're gonna hook up. Give your sister some credit. She was Erudite; she's not stupid."

"She's seventeen," I reminded him. "Kids that age like attention from the opposite sex. Or the same sex. Whatever."

"Aww. You're going all protective older brother," Four teased. "Come on. What are you gonna do if she does like him? Castrate him?"

I growled, but I supposed he was right. I wouldn't think like this about any other girl. I wouldn't give a shit who they liked, so long as they didn't go after Four. Who my sister might like wasn't my business, although keeping out of it if she did get involved with someone would test my self-control.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four and Eric agree to lead the Factionless together, while Eric annoys Emily with his protective older brother act

Chapter Nineteen

During the next few days, the four of us fell into a new routine with the Factionless. We ate with Evelyn in the evenings and shared the larger dining room with everyone else for the other meals. Tris trained Emily in fighting and we discussed her fears in detail, which were only two—being alone, and our father. He hadn’t done anything to her after I left. He hadn’t laid a finger on her, but he kept her in a prison-like environment. She’d been allowed to go to work at the Erudite headquarters but that was the only time she had been able to interact with anyone other than our parents. She hadn’t been allowed to have friends or dates, not that she’d been confident enough to have the latter.

Four and I spent some time getting to know Luke better, often hanging out in the evenings drinking his whiskey and talking. I tried not to like him, but I had to admit to myself he was a pretty decent guy.

“What do you think of him?” Four asked one night when we lay in bed. We’d moved to a room farther down the corridor from Tris and Emily’s—one with a lock on the door where there would be no chance of them hearing us through the wall.

“Who?” I grunted. I’d just come twice—once in his mouth and again when he was fucking me. It had only been the second time—he’d wanted to wait a few days to make sure I wasn’t sore. But now my brain didn’t want to function enough to have a conversation.

“Luke.”

“He’s all right, I suppose.”

“You didn’t think much of him a few days ago.”

“He kind of reminds me of us. He thinks like us. He was born Dauntless.” I hadn’t seen him spending much time with Emily either, which relieved me. Maybe it had been my imagination when I thought they might like each other. I rolled onto my side to face Four. “Have you thought any more about what Evelyn asked you? I mean, obviously we’re staying for now, but—”

“Yeah, I’ve thought about it. First, if I accept the role of leader, we’ll be staying more than a while. I can’t take that on, then walk away. How would you feel about that?”

I shrugged my shoulder. “I don’t mind it here. I’m not in any hurry to leave.”

“Okay. Second, if I do it, I want us to do it together.”

“What?”

“You’re already a leader or were. So, we share it.”

I grinned. “Do you really think I’d complain about being in charge of this rabble? Some of them could do with whipping into shape. Luke’s okay at it, from what I’ve seen, but most of them wouldn’t stand up to an invasion if Jeannine decided she wanted to wipe them out. They could do with some proper training.”

“So, you’re in?” Four smiled.

“Yes.”

“I’ll tell her tomorrow.” He leaned closer and kissed me. 

A little while later when he was asleep, I thought about it some more. He and I would run this place. We would have to consult Luke about any changes we made. If I were him and two strangers moved in on my territory and started ordering me about, I’d be pissed. Probably best if Four talked to him about that. I wasn’t very diplomatic. I smiled to myself in the darkness. Four and I made a great team. Things could work out for us here. 

I’d never thought about the future. During my six years in Dauntless, I’d thought only of being a leader. I’d been a machine, with no feelings about anyone except maybe irritation, or hatred in some cases. I lived from one day to the next and did what was expected of me. Now, I had other people to think about, and I could see further than tomorrow or next week. I had my sister back after years without her, I had friends for the first time in my life, and I had Four. I touched his face as he snored softly beside me. My heart thumped and my mouth went dry. We hadn’t spoken any more about what I’d heard him say to Evelyn, but I hadn’t stopped thinking about it. Whenever he looked at me in that intense way he had I found myself wanting him to say it. I could even imagine myself saying it. I’d analysed my feelings a lot since the first night here and I knew how I felt about him. I just didn’t have the guts to say it first. 

The next morning, we met with Evelyn after breakfast. She hadn’t prompted us for a decision and had left Four to think about it as he requested. 

“I’ve decided what I want to do,” he began as we sat down at the table. “But it has a condition.”

Evelyn raised an eyebrow. “I’m listening.”

“We’ll stay and I’ll be your leader—or one of them.”

“Go on.”

“Eric and I will share the duties. He’s had five years’ experience leading at Dauntless and he’s my partner. We’ll do it together.”

Evelyn smiled. “I have no problem with that. I’m happy you’re staying.” She switched her attention from Four to me. “What are your thoughts on this?”

I glanced at Four and he nodded. “I’m happy to stay and lead with Four. As he said, I have plenty of experience of it. And in case you’re wondering, I have no intention of leaving either him or my sister, and she seems settled here. If I’m completely honest, I think your army needs better training. The first one I met on the train here tried to shoot me with an empty gun.”

Four winced, but Evelyn smiled ruefully. “Luke told me. And you’re right. Luke has been a good leader, but although he’s Dauntless born, that was a long time ago. When he came here, we didn’t have such a need to protect ourselves. Abnegation and Amity provided us with supplies, but there were rarely squabbles or fights with other Factions, even when any of us ventured into the city to obtain other things we needed. Now, Dauntless and Erudite are hellbent on killing any of us they come across.”

“That’s Jeannine and Max’s doing,” I confirmed. “It wouldn’t surprise me in the least if they regroup and come after us. My parents may or may not want Emily back, but my father would certainly want to punish me. As for Jeannine and Max—”

“They’ll want to put Eric and me out of action,” Four finished.

“I’ve thought of that,” Evelyn said. “We may not have much time. Speak to Luke now. He was expecting this; I’ve already discussed it with him. Then the three of you will address the Factionless together before training begins.” She switched from leader to mother in a second and smiled fondly at Four. “I’m grateful to have the chance of some time with you. I missed a lot of years and I regret that.”

“We’re not going anywhere.” He reached across the table and touched her hand. “We’ll have plenty of time from now on.”

We left the room a few minutes later and found Luke in the lobby. “Anything I should know?” he asked. 

Four glanced around. No one else was within sight. “We’re staying,” he said quietly. “My mother wanted me to become leader here, but I’m not doing it on my own. Eric and I are taking on the responsibility together.”

“I thought you might. That’s fair enough. I’ll round everyone up. They’ll need to be told they’ll be taking their orders from you from now on.”

“You’ll still be involved,” Four said at once. “We want to increase the training. As I said to my mother, there’s a chance Jeannine and Max may send an army after us. A good chance. We thwarted their plans for a takeover and took Emily out from under Eric’s parents’ noses. Add to that, we’re all Divergent and Jeannine wants us dead.”

“Emily told me that last part,” Luke said.

“When?” I narrowed my eyes.

He shrugged. “Couple of days ago.”

I bristled. “What are you doing spending time with her? She’s seventeen. You could be her father!”

“Eric!” Four frowned at me. 

“Hey, look. I’m—I was the leader of our army. It was also my responsibility to oversee everyone and make sure there are no problems. I was talking to her and Tris about how they’re getting on here and making sure no one has given them any trouble. No need to get territorial, Eric. Besides, I doubt your sister would be interested in me.”

“So, you don’t see her like that?”

“Well—”

“I can’t believe you!” Emily suddenly appeared and marched towards me, red-faced and angry. “Why would you say such things? Are you determined to embarrass me and make me look like a fool?”

“I was just—” I began.

“I know what you were just!” she snapped. “Eric, I need another father figure like I need a hole in the head. I am glad you got me away from him and I’m glad I’m here with you. Protect me all you like from Erudite coming after me, but as for anything else—I will choose my own friends and who I want to spend my time with. If I talk to Luke, or Tris, or anyone else here, it’s none of your business.”

“Wow. I’m sorry.” Secretly, I was impressed by Emily’s outburst. She was fiery and determined, like me. 

“I’m, um, I’m sorry, about that,” she mumbled now, to Luke. 

“You have nothing to be sorry about. Elder brothers sometimes need putting in their places. I used to have one.” He grinned.

“Used to? What happened to him?” Emily asked. “If you don’t mind me asking?” She turned her back to Four and me, making it clear we weren’t part of this conversation.

“Come on.” Four touched my arm and ushered me away from them. “You should probably tone it down with Luke. We want him on our side with the rest of the Factionless. We’re treading on his toes as it is, by taking over here.”

I sighed. “All right, I get it. Butt out of Emily’s business.”

“She’s like you.” He elbowed me. “Tough, stubborn, saying what she thinks if something pisses her off. Like she said, don’t be your own father.”

“I’ll try not to. She’s my kid sister. I guess I still see her the way she was when I left Erudite.”

“I know you do, but I’m sure she’d tell you she’s not eleven anymore. She knows her own mind and if she wants to be friends with Luke, or someone else, or more than friends—”

“Yes, I know, it’s her business.” I huffed out a heavy sigh. “I suppose we should get ready to talk to everyone when Luke rounds them up. I imagine some of them won’t be too happy about it.”

An hour later, we stood on the balcony above the lobby with Luke, looking down on the assembled Factionless. Tris and Emily stood at one side of the large group, gazing up at us.

“There are going to be some changes here,” Luke began. “You’ll all have seen Four and Eric around here in the last few days, and Tris and Emily, too. You’ll remember I am originally Dauntless.” He continued with a brief explanation of Jeannine and Max’s failed takeover attempt, and the revelation that the four of us were Divergent and on Jeannine’s hit list. “Most of you will know by now that Four is Evelyn’s son, Tobias. The point of this gathering, is to tell you that from now on, he and Eric will be leading us and will instruct training.”

There were a few murmurs of curiosity and some that sounded perturbed. I glanced around the crowd below, looking for dissenters.

“I don’t want to hear any arguments,” Luke went on. “You will all still answer to me also. Now, I’ll had you over to Four.” He took a step to the side and folded his arms.

Four placed both hands on the bannister and looked down. “Luke has already explained to you there’s a chance that Jeannine and Max won’t let things lie and will send soldiers after us. You’ve already had fights with Dauntless. I’m now one of you, as are Eric, Tris, and Emily. So, we’re all in this together.”

“So, your coming here has put us all at risk,” a voice in the crowd put in.

“Yes, it has, and for that I apologise,” Four responded.

“Jerry, shut your mouth,” Luke added. “We’re always at risk, regardless of who joins us. Four, please continue.”

“We need to step up our training,” Four said. “Eric is an expert in hand-to-hand combat and weapons training. Tris has just finished Dauntless training in the top spot.”

“And Four finished top of our group,” I added, surprised that the words weren’t uttered grudgingly. I really had gone soft over him. He grinned.

“I understand from Luke you have a decent weapon store,” Four continued. “We’ll check that over today and see if anything needs to be added to or improved upon. Then we start training. We’ll pair you off and assess your existing skills, then brush them up. We need to be ready for anything that might happen. If Jeannine sends an army here, they won’t be coming to negotiate—they’ll be coming for Eric and me, and they’ll take out anyone who gets in the way. That’s all for now. I look forward to getting to know you all.”

“Anyone got any problems?” Luke called out to the crowd.

Many of them shook their heads and a few “noes” echoed up to us. One or two scowled or grumbled, but for the most part they seemed accepting. 

“In that case, everyone is to assemble in the main hall after lunch,” Luke finished. “For now, go about your business.”

The crowd dispersed and in moments, the lobby was empty. “That went better than I expected,” Four said. “I thought they’d complain more.”

“There are a few among them who may be problematic, but we’ll deal with them,” Luke told him. “I’ll show you the weapons store.”

“I’ll leave that to you, Eric,” Four said. “My mother wanted an update on how this went.”

“Okay.” I left him and accompanied Luke down the main stairs, then down another level into the basement. 

“So, this is it.” Luke indicated racks of guns—both rifles and handguns—and shelves which stored crossbows, knives, nun chucks, and even flails.

“Impressive.” I nodded. “This outstrips anything even Dauntless have. How’d you get all this stuff?”

“We have a great bunch of thieves among us.” Luke smirked. “The museum in the Erudite quarter is missing quite a bit, and some of it we lifted from the headquarters storage facility.”

I grinned. “We’re a step ahead of them already. Now we just have to make sure everyone knows how to use this shit. How are they at unarmed combat?”

“Not bad, but there’s room for improvement.”

“So, we’ll work on that first,” I decided. “You remember the Dauntless training?”

“Of course.”

“Great. It’s a big group. We’ll need all the trainers we can get.”


End file.
